Dear Caleb,
We are on our 6th year of Holidays without you. This October was the first time since 2008 that I actually celebrated Halloween and enjoyed it. We had a Halloween party like in 2008 when I made a Haunted Spook Alley. It took a lot of emotional energy from me which was very draining, but your siblings loved it, so it was worth it. For 6 years I have strongly disliked this holiday because you are beautiful and alive, but the world makes those that pass away sound creepy and disgusting. But I could never accept those lies that the media puts into the minds and hearts of people. Cemetery's are one of the most sacred and special places that I have ever stepped foot on. Out of all the things in the world, this is the last place that anyone would need to be afraid of. These people that are resting are at peace and so they want you too to feel that when you are with them, not fear! What a stupid lie that so many believe and teach to others- it is disturbing and very sad!
Halloween has come and gone, now the heavy back to back Holidays are here again. This time of year does not bring much happiness and cheer for me, just heart break and tears. And I am getting so tired of how our world celebrates the same holidays year after year. I am getting so worn out that our calender stays the same year after year, causing us to have to relive difficult dates over and over again. It is exhausting, it is draining, it is heart breaking. I do not want to seem like a Scrooge at this time of year but honestly, it makes me frustrated that others can be in complete oblivious to broken hearts and deep wounds at this time- as they smile in your face and say, "It's this time of year so exciting"!?!? I just want to tell so many people, "Wake up and recognize the hurt, the broken hearted, those that are just struggling to live that are around you. Don't give them trivial little clich'e remarks about the season, recognize their struggles and reach out! Don't make them think that they have to stuff their real feelings and hide it from everyone because we are all "suppose" to be twitter patted with these Holidays."
The Real Purpose of these holidays should be finding and bringing comfort to those in need. Not in Eating, Drinking and being Merry in oneself. Not in indulging in gifts, things and football to please oneself. It is not in what this Holiday season can bring to you, but what YOU can bring to the Holiday season. It is sad how this time has turned many people inward, instead of outward. There is real hurt and heartache in the world Caleb, and I wish that I could just wrap an arm around all these individuals as they shed deep tears of grief- from empty seats of loved ones that will not be there in person at this time. Holidays are not always the fun 'n' games kind of time of year... because it brings struggles, heaviness, and tears- lots and lots of tears to so many.
If we didn't have your sweet siblings Caleb, I would put aside ALL these dates and holidays, it would be so much easier. But I know that they like them and enjoy them. Plus it is nice to see them smile and laugh, for it makes me feel that you are close by enjoying right along with them. Even though reliving these dates, times, holidays over again may bring tears now, I am a survivor of the ground hog living lifestyle. I can tell you that it is possible to keep going, even when one thinks that they could never carry on- I have and I am still here. I know that you want us to keep trying, so Caleb, I am going to try again on another year of BIG ones.....
Missing You Deeply!! Love Your Mommy
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I know what you mean about the emptiness of so many holiday greetings. It seems sometimes like people are just going through the motions and not really connecting with the beauty of life and the light around them at this time of year, or any other for that matter. Expectations for picture-perfect holidays always seem to make sadness all the deeper. I find sometimes that time in nature is a good reminder of all that is good in the world. To be out in nature, present in the sights, smells, sounds and so forth that only exist one minute to the next, without any need for our looking out for them or taking responsibility for them often brings me peace in a world where emotions can be so heavy. I truly believe that your deep spirituality can rise above the materialism and temporary sense of happiness that is all too common this time of year. Connect with all the goodness that is real and I think you may enjoy a newfound peace in these days. Thanks again for sharing your journey and I hope you find joy in sharing these holidays with your family. Blessings.
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