~~We LOVE The Gospel Of Jesus Christ~~

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Thursday, December 24, 2009

Our Fourth Month....


Dear Caleb,

We are very grateful that we are one more day closer to you, as crazy hard as this has all been... We cannot wait for that day to see your sweet face and give you our hugs and kisses that have been placed on the shelf for now. There have already been so many placed on the shelf that the shelf can barely stay up. Dad and I have hit rock bottom many times when we allow ourselves to view life through our mortal eyes. Our arms ache for your sweet hugs, and long for your sweet touch. We ever so miss you, our sweet Buddy Boy. Life hurts and there is nothing that anyone can do about it. In which we are very so grateful to be reminded of the Reason of this Season, the birth of Our Savior Jesus Christ. It is only through and of him that we can even have the strength to move from one day to the next. As hard as it will be, to have to Celebrate this time without your sweet physical presence, we know that your spirit will be ever so near. Oh how you loved this time of year, playing in the snow, playing Christmas with your sisters, and getting so anxious that your joys make us smile ever so big. We are reminded more and more that to live our earthly life with even the least bit of joy, that we must live and view life with our spiritual eyes. If there has been anything for us to gain and understand from all of this right now, it would be that you have shown us that there is just a Better way to live our mortal lives down here on earth. I have talked to others that have lost children and they said that for them "It was a reminder for them to turn around and come back to God." I struggled with that for awhile, I couldn't understand how that would we for us. Being a faithful Christian and church going people, always having family prayer and scripture study, doing all that we could to stay close to the Lord by keep the commandments that have been taught to us through the scriptures.... I just didn't understand what this was all suppose to mean to us. What were we suppose to learn from such a tragedy? Then one day it hit me like a load of bricks, it wasn't that we were straying from the Lord and that it was suppose to turn us around back towards the Lord. It was the fact that "Yes" we were living a good life, but there is just a BETTER way to do it.

In the talk 'Good, Better, Best' by Elder Dallin H. Oaks Of the Quorum of the Twelve Apostles said, "The number of good things we can do far exceeds the time available to accomplish them. Some things are better than good, and these are the things that should command priority attention in our lives."
"We should remember that it is not enough that something is good. Other choices are better, and still others are best."
"We have to forego some good things in order to choose others that are better or best because they develop faith in the Lord Jesus Christ and strengthen our families."

Caleb, Thank you for showing us that there is a better way for us to live our mortal lives here on earth, by living with and through our spiritual eyes. We could not continue our earthly journey without this small insight that has opened our minds and hearts to a big and brighter view. Thank goodness for our Savior and the truth that he truly has come to save us all and show us how we can return back home. That there is a real purpose on life, and that all of our work, effort, and experiences are not in vain, but for a wise and eternal purpose.
We love you so much Caleb. We know that you will be near us at this Christmas Season. Thank you, for staying close.
Love, Your Mommy

Memories:

Tamara remembers: How Caleb loved the Nebraska summer rain-less storms with the thunder and lighting.
Liahona remembers: Playing water spray tag with Caleb. If you got sprayed 3 times then it was your turn to be the sprayer. They would run around in their swimsuits to play the game, (even in the winter time.)
Mom (Tanya) remembers: How Caleb was the only one who could remember our garage door code number.
Dad (Eric) remembers: How hyper Caleb would get as he tried and worked hard to get on and off his new bike that he got for his 8th birthday. And how he got better with not crashing into things and falling over when stopping.

Saturday, November 28, 2009

Forgot to Post Memories

Tamara remembers that Caleb liked to tuck his legs into his pajama shirts.

Liahona remembers that Caleb would always open up glass jars for her. Because they were too tight for her, but not for her strong brother.

Mom remembers how Caleb would put himself in time out if he did something wrong, or did something he thought would place him in time out. Then Mom or Dad would walk by and see him sitting in time out and ask him "What are you doing?" And Caleb would say, "Sitting in time out." Then Mom or Dad would say "Ok, did you learn your lessons?"....while holding back giggles. Caleb would say, "Yes." And then Mom or Dad would tell him he could come off time out then, and that we loved him.

Dad remembers fighting with light sabers with Caleb while listening to the 'Dual of the Fates' from Star Wars Episode 1 cd.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Our Miracle Month...



Dear Caleb,
I can't believe that we are only going on the third month since you graduated from this world, because it seems like so much longer then that. My body hurts and aches nonstop everyday, just reminding me in everyway that life will never be the same again.... and how could it? Without your physical presence here, it is so hard, and so very weird to not have you near to hug and squeeze, and kiss you goodnight. I miss doing our neat handshake that we made up each night, as I would tuck you into bed. I miss having your cars and toys laying around to trip over. I miss having you get Monety out of bed each morning and turning on PBS kids for the girls. The hurt and ache are so strong most days, that trying to move through life without you just brings me to tears. I have just wished and prayed to know that you are still near us, because we so desparately still need you, our Buddy Boy.
(Of which the Lord was mindful of my prayer, and answered it this month.) This is how he answered us:
This summer while being in Nauvoo after your Baptism, I placed our small red samsung camera in the diaper bag, because the memory was all full. Later, I remember taking it out as I digging for a toy for Montey to play with. And as we were unpacking once we got home I could not find that small read camera anywhere. I didn't worry too much about it at first. Thinking that we would run into it sometime with unpacking, but It never showed. Then the accident happened, and I realized that the ONLY pictures we had from your 8th birthday was on that camera. I felt So sick to my stomach. We had NO pictures of you turning 8. Pictures mean the world to me, and to loose your last birthday year, made my head swirl. I could not believe that I would not have those memories for the rest of my life. I called the visitors centers, all the hotels, for months and still no one had seen the small red camera. It had been 4 long months,and the chances of finding that camera was very slim on my own. I didn't know where to find it, but I knew the Lord did. And to find this camera would mean the world to me, just to have those non-replacable memories back would bring me so much comfort.
It was a Sunday night when we watched the movie "The Prince of Egpyt." And there was a song that said "There can be miracles, when you believe..." And that night I prayed ever so hard, that somehow, that someway, the Lord would help bring this camera back to me.
The next Morning I thought to check the bags and backpacks that we took, that we had already check many, many times. They were always empty because we have already unpacked everything months ago. As I went to zip open the back pack carrier, out flew our small read samsung camera. Both Eric and I have looked through that back pack and it was not there before. It was a PURE MIRACLE, that's all there is to it.
Caleb I know that you were always very mindful of us. You never liked to see anyone hurting. So I would like to think that it must have been you that picked up our camera, and placed it in a spot that you knew we would find it. And we can not thankyou enough for bring this miracle into our lives, to let us know that you ARE there and that you are STILL with us.
I DO believe in miracles, and know that they can and will happen when we believe, even if something has been lost for 4months. The Lord is so mindful of what we need to help us heal, and feel his love. I will ever be so grateful for this miracle in our family's life.
We Love you Caleb, Love your Mommy

Thursday, November 5, 2009

Caleb's Corner

We went to Caleb's Corner (the crash site), this Monday for family night. Something that I have been feeling the need to go and do, but didn't have strength to do it until now. It was named by our best friends, which are our Nebraska cousins, The Draper Family. Our 4 kids have done everything with them and their 4 kids since we moved here. It's not every often when you find a family where there is one friend for each of your children. We have been greatly blessed.
Going to Caleb's Corner was very awkward needless to say. As we got closer you could feel everyone's anxiety, as silence filled our car, not even a peep from Montey. There is just over 1/4 of a mile that I do not remember driving from the accident. There was one part before that when I was driving with Caleb where I had deja vu. I had seen a person's tall ranch sign before, like I had been to that place before, which I had not. I had slight hopes this past Monday, that perhaps I would remember that rest of that road, but that was not to be. Eric says that it was part of my body's defence mechanism. It still drives me crazy not knowing what really happened. Perhaps someday it will come back to me.

Here is the cross and flowers that we got in honor of Caleb. We noticed that 2 bunches of yellow flowers were already there when we arrived, which really touched and warmed our hearts. There is no place like Nebraska, the people here are amazingly kind and thoughtful.


Here is us at Caleb's Corner.


This was actually a mistake picture that was taken, but I love it. It has the feeling of all three of our spirits together, Caleb's cross, and the shadow of Eric and I. Not to mention the three trees in the background.


Thanks for all your continued love and support. We appreciate all your prayers, we can feel them carrying us each day. As we know that this strength is not our own, but is from the Lord above. We could NOT continue living each day if it were not for his loving grace. This is so hard to carry from day to day, but we know that he is making it a little easier and a little lighter for us. In which we are ever so grateful. So THANK YOU for the very much NEEDED prayers, Love The Mathison's

Saturday, October 24, 2009

Second Month, Still Tremendously Hard.....

Oh Sweet Caleb,
How do we do this without you? To not see your sweet face each morning, hear your kind voice, laugh with you as you giggle hysterically. So many things we have taken for granted thinking, "Oh we will do that tomorrow, tomorrow we will get to that, tomorrow we will go to that place you want to go." Nothing shakes you more then coming to the understanding that all we really do have is today! Why did we just assume that tomorrow would come? Our hearts hurt so much, this pain is so hard to bear. Honestly how can one move on from such a hard blow, with having you here with us, then with just a blink of an eye you are not. Here we are on the second month from the terrible accident, and yet it feels SO much longer then that. Making us sick to our stomachs to think how SLOW time on earth goes. We pray each day that the millennium will come quickly, to ease our heartache and so many others grief and pain as well. Each day I wake up and say "Are you kidding me I have to do another day...." I know the millennium maybe longer than we want but, I know the Lord will answer the righteous desires of one's heart. So we will pray on, hope on, and move on as best as we can. Knowing that we move on not to forget, but we move on to keep you alive with us, your memories, your life, your spirit. Why do parents have to loose their little children, we may never really know, but we know that the Lord does. And why did he give this hard challenge to us, we may never know, but we know that the Lord does. And for this we will trust in him, because he does know the bigger picture, Thank goodness. All I can say is that, I know that I will have all sorts of questions for him to answer when I see him. And for you sweet Caleb I still think you cut in line and for that I still think you should get a spanking when I get home. However, Liahona is good to remind me that it wasn't your fault that you left, but that the Lord needed you, so I should not spank you. =) You two, my Irish Twins were always looking out of each other, and I have a feeling you still will.
We love you so much and miss you so much, that it hurts to breathe. Please stay close to us, we still need you.
Love Your Mommy

Memories:

Tamara remembers that Caleb would always ask, "Who wants to play soccer with me?"

Liahona remembers that Caleb would always say, "When are we going to the library?" (Because he would want to check out a new computer game or recheck out one of his favorite library computer games.)

Mom (Tanya) remembers how much Caleb loved the Nebraska bugs. He was always trying to capture and catch them. He would often catch bugs to make a bug zoo this summer. He and his best friend Dylan would make fliers and hang them up on lightposts to get people to come. Charging only 5cent per person, but mom paid them 25cent per person instead.

Dad (Eric) remembers how much Caleb loved to play Army Man Blackcat Attack game for the Fourth of July. He would often try to talk his dad into playing it throughout the year.

Caleb's Room

Pictures of Caleb's walls, they way he created them. His most loved things: His Savior Jesus Christ, the Prophet Thomas S. Monson, his Starwars posters, and his Transformers stickers. Plus a picture of his library books. He begged and begged to go to the library, and when I finally got around to it he was disappointed that they didn't have his favorite computer game, "Zoo Tycoon." We now have that game, in Honor our Sweet Caleb.



Thursday, September 24, 2009

Our 1st Difficult Month

Caleb,

It is so hard to wake up each morning knowing that we don't get to see your sweet face smiling at us. So today is the anniversary of our terrible accident. And as I said before, "I am so sorry!" Gosh we love you so much, I am sorry that we weren't able to pick out that scout shirt for you, or to have you pick out your first pocket knife. You mentioned while we were driving that you were hungry and we were going to stop at the store on the way home to buy bread for you to make a sandwich when we got home, and you were going to show me what the "S" gum was that you wanted to buy. I loved hearing you talk about football, and how excited you were that Football season was starting up again. You were so excited that the Oregon Ducks opening game was going to be on that week. And the cute little boy that you are, we would have let up stay up late with your daddy to watch it. It wasn't the same watching it without you. We hope that you are doing better in heaven, because we are a mess here on earth. This pain is terrible, one that I would NEVER wish upon my worst of worst enemies, not that I do have any, but no one should ever have to loose their precious children. It should have been you saying goodbye to us, as we got old and gray.
Please always know that WE Love you! Love your Mommy

Memories:

Liahona remembers how Caleb would play the throw game and would pick up Montey and would throw him onto a pillow on the couch. And Montey would laugh so hard he would want to have Caleb do it again, and again.

Tamara remembers that Caleb's favorite colors were Black and Gold.

Mom (Tanya) remembers how her and Caleb would use a secret code with saying I love you. We would blink three times back and forth at each other, to say we loved one another.

Dad (Eric) remembers how Caleb would get online and go to ESPN to see what teams were playing that week. And would happily announce to his dad what games he wanted to watch that week. (Each new season represented what sport he was currently into.

Fall= College Football
Winter= College Basketball, loved doing his own brackets for March Madness
Spring= Soccer for him
Summer= Pro Baseball

*Please leave your memories of Caleb here on his site, under any comment box.
Thank you

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Our Beginning Story

Caleb came to our family June 23rd, 2001. While we were poor students attending Rick's College. Having a little newborn baby to take care of seemed to be overwhelming. If only babies could come with their own manuals, it would make things so much easier and less stressful. But his special presence gave us a real reason to live and be alive. He gave us our true purpose, of why we are here... to be in families, to grow and learn and help each other, as we grow closer to the Lord together.
Going from being single, then newlyweds, then to being parents all within 1 year, were each huge obsticles in themselves. But to know our real purpose, that's completely priceless, of which we will forever be grateful of all the growth and knowledge and strength we have received from learning from our first child. Nothing will take away those joys and precious memories that bonded us together from day one, when we held him at the hospital. Life stood still, as we lived on cloud 9 being our own family, greeting our son who finally came into our lives. There was so much joy, there was so much happiness, there was so much love.... Caleb you will Always, Always, Always be loved!