Tuesday, August 25, 2015
Monday, August 24, 2015
Our Perfect Day- Then Everything Changed
Dear Caleb,
Six Years Ago today, your Father had the day off so we went to an Apple Tree Farm nearby the City of Lincoln. It was just a Perfect Day- the weather, all you kids getting along and cooperating, we had so much fun exploring and picking apples, we practically had the whole place to ourselves- it was so enjoyable... Then everything changed by the evening. And since then our whole world has been swirling crazily around us ever since. Right Now Six Years Ago, you and I were at different hospitals as our world came crashing down ever so quickly, our high of the day suddenly hit the lowest of the lows that we had ever known. And Today I am missing you like everything just happened again. I am so heart broken, it is so difficult having to relive this time year after year, it rips my heart right open all over again... it is such a devastating blow in having reality hit you hard in the face.
I am growing so tired of these endless cycles, each year I think this is it, I can't take another step... and then another year goes by. It is surprising the steps we have been able to take and the strength that has come out of no where to carry us throughout these many years. I've constantly been saying today, "Six years, oh my gosh, it's been six years"... I just can't seem to believe it. I still don't want to believe it, I want to just think it was a terrible nightmare and I will wake up at any moment and will to see your smiling face. I am missing you so much it just hurts all over again.
So much happened on Aug the 24th, up to the wee hours of the 25th when your Daddy and I walked the halls of the hospital after the doctors declared that you had returned home. A mother's worst nightmare is to loose a child, and I was left at my weakest point constantly trying to make sense of everything and thinking what do I do next?????? Even six years later I am still doing this, yet coming to the conclusion that there is nothing to make sense of, because as devastating as it is, it just happened and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I am also still constantly thinking of what am I going to do now? And still coming to the conclusion to just take baby steps, that is all I can do, and that is all that is ever expected.
I Love you and Miss you more then words can ever express Caleb.
As a family we choose to keep trying because We Love You, and do not ever want to let you down.
Love You Buddy Boy, Love Always Your Momma
Six Years Ago today, your Father had the day off so we went to an Apple Tree Farm nearby the City of Lincoln. It was just a Perfect Day- the weather, all you kids getting along and cooperating, we had so much fun exploring and picking apples, we practically had the whole place to ourselves- it was so enjoyable... Then everything changed by the evening. And since then our whole world has been swirling crazily around us ever since. Right Now Six Years Ago, you and I were at different hospitals as our world came crashing down ever so quickly, our high of the day suddenly hit the lowest of the lows that we had ever known. And Today I am missing you like everything just happened again. I am so heart broken, it is so difficult having to relive this time year after year, it rips my heart right open all over again... it is such a devastating blow in having reality hit you hard in the face.
I am growing so tired of these endless cycles, each year I think this is it, I can't take another step... and then another year goes by. It is surprising the steps we have been able to take and the strength that has come out of no where to carry us throughout these many years. I've constantly been saying today, "Six years, oh my gosh, it's been six years"... I just can't seem to believe it. I still don't want to believe it, I want to just think it was a terrible nightmare and I will wake up at any moment and will to see your smiling face. I am missing you so much it just hurts all over again.
So much happened on Aug the 24th, up to the wee hours of the 25th when your Daddy and I walked the halls of the hospital after the doctors declared that you had returned home. A mother's worst nightmare is to loose a child, and I was left at my weakest point constantly trying to make sense of everything and thinking what do I do next?????? Even six years later I am still doing this, yet coming to the conclusion that there is nothing to make sense of, because as devastating as it is, it just happened and there is nothing anyone can do about it. I am also still constantly thinking of what am I going to do now? And still coming to the conclusion to just take baby steps, that is all I can do, and that is all that is ever expected.
I Love you and Miss you more then words can ever express Caleb.
As a family we choose to keep trying because We Love You, and do not ever want to let you down.
Love You Buddy Boy, Love Always Your Momma
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