Another Post....

Dear Caleb,
Here we are, another month has gone by. What can you say to that? I look forward to posting and writing to you of how we have succeed as a family in surviving yet another month without you physically here with us. But after posting all my feelings and thoughts, I dread knowing that we get to start a new one. Some days I think, how long is this going to go on, my mortal emotions just can't take this kind of beating. Though the flesh is incredibly weak, I gain much strength knowing that my spirit has been the one to carry me along. I am dragging and struggling with my mortal weakness, from lack of strength. I can not help but look to the Savior for help, and for much needed strength that he gives to my spirit; for surely I could not continue without it.
It is Autumn Time, I miss having you ask if we could find a park with lots of leaves to rake up and jump in. I miss seeing your face light up when we would play in the leaves as a family, and having Daddy throw you in the big, high, neatly raked up leaves. Halloween is coming up this week, and my heart is sad that I will not be able to do your face paint. I have been asking myself what would you have wanted to be for Halloween this year? And the sad thing is that I can't answer that question. I don't know what you would be nor of what you would be into. I have found myself asking other little 8-9 year old boys to see what they are planning on being, and watching to see what they are into; helping me to feel connected to you still in someway.
Our Hearts are broken, but they still just barely work. Thanks to our Savior who has promised us that all will be made right. We know that our dream of becoming an eternal family will come true someday, we look forward to that more than anything else in the world. Nothing is more important to us, than to be together again. Our hearts take courage in that and make us rejoice for that day; this is what allows our hearts to still work for us.
If it weren't for knowing that we can receive personal revelation I would have given up by now. But we have, and because we have, we know that the Lord is very mindful of our little family. Personal meaning Individual, and Revelation meaning Wisdom to make known. The Lord has blessed with with Individual Wisdom to make known of what we are to do, and of where we need to go from here.
President Packer of the 12 Apostles made this very profound comment that has greatly helped me keep a better prospective, that has kept me from being drawn into the bitterness with it’s magnet.
He said, “Do not expect to be free entirely from trouble and disappointment and pain and discouragement, for these are the things that we were sent to earth to endure.” This includes those who are righteous and living good lives, we are not excluded from gaining wisdom and knowledge. I have learned that it is an honor to be taught by the Lord. He knows what we need to grow and to learn, to become better and wiser people. This Caleb, is why we are still here without you, you have flown through what you needed to learn, and yet we are lagging behind you. We hope to make you proud and be able to be to found worthy to come home and be with you; to be a complete family again. We are going to make the best of this experience. We are finishers, we will finish what has been given to us to learn and to teach us. We will not loose our focus nor of the foot steps that we need to follow you in.
Oh how we love you. Oh how we long to have this awkward void be filled again, life is not the same, nor will it ever be without you. But we have much to look forward too, in being with you soon. We Love You! XOXOXO
Love Your Mommy

Memories:

Tamara remembers how Caleb would always tuck his legs into his pajama shirts.

Liahona remembers when Caleb's last tooth came out he said in a very calm voice, "Hmmm my tooth came out." As he showed it in his hand calmly to Mom.

Mom (Tanya) remembers after Caleb and Liahona watching an episode of Curious George they did the science project shown, by making your own water popsicles. They would get a cup of water and put a spoon inside for a stick. Then once the water water was frozen they would eat their popsicles throughout the day, or when they just needed a nice ice drink.

Dad (Eric) remembers when playing soccer or football in the house 1 goal would be the glass from the fireplace and the other would be the back wall at the end of the hallway.

4 Months Old

On October 23rd of 2001, You were 4 months old. And morning sickness was my name, being 3 1/2 months pregnant with your Irish Twin Honi. I lived for nap times, and took naps with you almost as often as you took them. But you were still very colic and cried much throughout the day and night. Often thinking what were we doing wrong, but we did not know that you were a colicy baby, so we just made due with what we could. Being poor college students we did not have insurance as we couldn't take you in all the time. Had we have known that we could of had help, maybe we would have but we didn't know, and we all did the best we could.
Things that you started to do at this age was: