The Process of Grieving

Dear Caleb,

I have come across many things that tell you how long one should grieve for after you loose a loved one, and there have been many people that have mentioned how I should grieve. I had no idea or could even fathom the idea of how difficult this process would be of loosing a loved one. I thought that everyone would feel sad in the same way; like as how simple it is for everyone to feel cheer; through sunshine, rainbows, bubbles.... these make people happy and smile. Grieving and feeling sad is not as simple as I have come to learn and understand, it goes much deeper. I thought your father, your grandparents, family, friends would feel sadness the same way that I would feel sadness, but that has not been the case. We all feel on different levels and in different ways, and I have learned the hard way that though it is challenging, that it is okay. For the longest time these past 5 years I have felt all alone. Alone in not being able to have my feelings feel validated, in not having people near by to just listen, In having them feel like they have to say something in trying to fix my unfixable problem. But the MOST painful for me was to have people avoid me like a bad plague and to have them not say anything at all was more painful on my heart. It did hurt to receive insensitive words, but at least these people had tried to show that they cared, unlike feeling ignored and that what I was going through didn't exists.

October has brought out much anger and frustration that I have harbored against others. And I have come to realize that it is really no ones fault... because we all have literally NO CLUE of what the heck we are doing when it comes to such sensitive matters. We ALL are like little children with no experience in this situation as we move along this unknown, unwanted road so suddenly together. We all grieve in difference ways and we need to allow each other the room, the space, the time to feel, to cry, to learn to live again in our own ways. We can not push or ignore each other, because doing this will only make the grieving process worse and could cause more unwanted problems. So does it matter who gets to that point first in learning how to live again??? NO, because it is NOT a contest!!! You are not a winner until ALL who are affected are all able to develop the capabilities to live and want to try to keep living.  If one gets to this point first is your part done??? Your part actually is not!!! So turn back, reach out, lift and LISTEN to others, in assisting those that are still struggling to find that motivation to continue on this very difficult journey.

Let us be kind, compassionate, and PATIENT with each other as we are trying to walk such unfavorable circumstances together. Don't leave others behind to have to deal with their grief on their own... LISTEN, LISTEN, just listen and let them know that their heartache is real, that their feelings are validated and that you are there and that you still care... no matter how "long" it has been. Time does not heal, that is the biggest faults hood, it is THROUGH time that we learn how to better carry this very heavy burden on our backs. Each year it gets a little lighter, but it does not go away. The Void, the Love... these things will always be there, because these are what remind us that we are still living.

This is the process of grieving that I have come across from these very difficult 5 years from loosing you. It still hurts, and it hurts to see others hurting with their new wounds from loosing loved ones, this is not a fun club to be in. To others that may be reading with grieving hearts- Please know that you are not alone with your hurts, many are here, many care, and many are close by to listen... including me even though I maybe a stranger in person, it is in our deep grieving and heartaches that connect our hearts, making us family- those that grieve together need to stay together.

Love You Always Caleb, Thank You for helping me to learn through the thick of things.
 Love Your Mommy