Tender Gift

Dear Caleb, Well, we've past the dates of our Make A Difference Days, the 24th and 25th, and the day you share with your father on the 28th. Last night being at the temple, was such a Tender Gift on our hearts. To make the 28th a day of gladness instead of gloom, was something that I have wanted to do for sometime now, but not sure of what. Meeting you in the temple yesterday was the perfect opportunity in the making. So beautiful was our meeting. Flooded with emotions that I could not hold in, my body shaking and my heart pounding, there where times I could not stand or even hold up my limbs and I felt as though someone was doing it for me. To me the room was even brighter then the normal, and at times I thought I was going to pass out. All I could see was brightness. My eyes could not see very well, so I closed them at times, and what I was able to feel surpassed what I couldn't see. I was lighter; I felt I was on higher ground. I was no longer just in a place on earth here in mortality; it was a place of glorious peace, calmness, and of pure joy. My heart was touched, so much to the point that it was hard for this mortal body of mine to take it all in and handle at once. My mind was touched and opened even more to understand this journey that we are on. Though your Dad and I are not alone on our journey, for we have been blessed with immense love and support, however we started out on our own. Embarking on our new life together into the unknown, hand in hand- As we built a home, had children, finished schooling to obtain a steady job and income, we lived in a state of what I would like to call innocence. We had nothing to force us out of our garden of the "all is well" attitude. Then in 2009, the accident came. That was our fruit that we were give to partake and it has forever changed the way that we view and see life as. We therefore, were kicked out of our innocent state, for now we know what real bitter tasted like, along with the immense reality of joy. And because of our changed hearts, there is no going back. Oft times I have thought in the past, why can't we just go back, it was so much easier, we didn't have to do much or have much to worry about. And now we have to work hard, and do a lot to stay afloat and redirect our focus every single day. The work is more exhausting, and the weight makes one feel more fatigued, but I have to remind myself that this is the ONLY WAY. It is the only way for us to be more like our Savior. It is the only way to make our hearts more of what he would want and knows what we need. It would do no good for us to stay the same, in that state of "innocence." I oft times in the past have attempted to find ways to go around our new path, taking short cuts, skipping parts, but only in doing so, has made things more difficult. It is an allusion to think that by taking alternatives routes will be easier, or make us happier. By not facing what needs to be addressed, and trying to avoid what needs to be given our attention too, will only hurt us in the long run- straining relationships, cheating our hearts from healing, and loosing the vigor to live. We have partaken and we know that we need to be 100% on board with the will of God, in order for us to continue this journey together. If we are not, it will pull us apart, which is the complete opposite of the purpose of your mission. Seeing our family grow from such bitter moments has been humbling to say the least. It has been a rough go around these past 4 years, but we are starting to see more clearly each year. How thankful and blessed we are for this Tender Gift that we were give to be with you in the temple last night. More healing has taken place; more anger has been removed and replaced with such sweet inner peace of contentment. To know that you are a full serving missionary that holds the priesthood now, is more then comforting on my little broken mother's heart. Serve well our son. We are behind you, and continue to serve with you. For We Are, "Team Angels." Much Love Eternally, Love Your Mommy

Our Make A Difference Days- 2013

Our Baskets of Goodies Delivered. Your Trophy to award you with all the amazing touchdowns your are accomplishing on your mission. Matching Make A Difference Dog Tags for your siblings as they serve with you on your days of service. For we are "Team Angels!" Pictures that we created for you. We Love you Buddy Boy. Keep up the awesome work. And thanks for the amazing save with your little brother again. Love Eternally, Your Momma

Deep Gratitude

Dear Caleb, We are approaching "that" time, and my body knows it. To relieve the memories from our accident causes my inner core to shutter in utter uneasiness. Today Montey said, "Mom how did Caleb die?" Gosh he was so young, and it pains my heart to have to explain to him what an amazing brother you were, that you are... I said, "Well, Montey, Caleb and I were driving to a store and a car hit us. But he is not dead, just like Jesus, they are resurrected and are alive again. We just can't see them right now, but we will see them soon." Montey answered with a sigh, "Well, why can't we see them, and when will we see them?" Caleb, how I wish I had the answers to tell him when we would see you again. My heart hurts at this time, and that aching pain will always linger, but it is different this year. If there is one word that just makes me cringe, it is the word "dead". I do not believe in it. I strongly dislike people using it, especially around me. It think many people do not really know what they are talking about when they say that word or use it. The blessing that we are all granted after this life is amazing. The knowledge that we take with us from this life, and added upon the knowledge we knew before we came to earth, and then the knowledge we learn after this life... simply amazing! So who is the "dead" one really? It would be us, who are here living in mortality; we only know the "now". Our perspective and understanding is far less superior then our loved ones that are watching over us. So are you "dead" NEVER! And I laugh at everyone that says so. Your site is empty, and THANK GOODNESS for that, and can I say a Hallelujah too! My heart sings knowing that you are alive and well- more alive then us, and it helps heal that sting that I feel with you away from us. Next week we are meeting you in the temple, and I am so beyond excited! I cannot wait to feel you near, it has been so long. Trying to find ways to stay positive and focus on the eternal perspective can be so difficult and draining at times- but it has always been worth the battle. The added strength to be content and the ability to see and feel with peace, is the blessings that I continue to yearn to seek after- these are my life lines of survival. Without these blessings everyday, I would sink beneath the heavy weight of sorrow and grief. What a gift it is to know, and feel. And even a bigger gift to recognize others in such away and reach out with loving hands to serve. If there are times when I am in deep grief, I can always count on helping others to pull me up. It is a beautiful time to heal each others broken hearts, with mourning with those that mourn, and bringing comfort to those that need comfort. The relationships that form at such times are eternal. They are friendships that are the most deep, and loving of all. The most treasured gifts that one could ever wish to obtain in this life. Such jewels are rare in this life, but when you find them, you are rich beyond what words could ever describe, by being filled with a joy that one cannot explain. Deep Gratitude is what I have been filled with this past month. In Nebraska was our greatest sorrow, and yet God placed such a perfect large group of Nebraska Family to support us with such difficulties. In Lake Stevens was our greatest grief healing process, and yet God placed us again with such a perfect large group of Lake Stevens Family to support us with all our emotional roller coasters

. And now we are on our journey to our New Nebraska for a fresh start. We took our first new family photo before we left. We are ready to face the rest of this journey, to see what is held for us, as we stand by and serve with you. Proud is what will always come to our minds and hearts about you accepting your calling to serve. We are so proud, so touched by your example. How we love you beyond all words. So Proud we are. Much Love Always. Love Your Momma.