Tender Gift

Dear Caleb, Well, we've past the dates of our Make A Difference Days, the 24th and 25th, and the day you share with your father on the 28th. Last night being at the temple, was such a Tender Gift on our hearts. To make the 28th a day of gladness instead of gloom, was something that I have wanted to do for sometime now, but not sure of what. Meeting you in the temple yesterday was the perfect opportunity in the making. So beautiful was our meeting. Flooded with emotions that I could not hold in, my body shaking and my heart pounding, there where times I could not stand or even hold up my limbs and I felt as though someone was doing it for me. To me the room was even brighter then the normal, and at times I thought I was going to pass out. All I could see was brightness. My eyes could not see very well, so I closed them at times, and what I was able to feel surpassed what I couldn't see. I was lighter; I felt I was on higher ground. I was no longer just in a place on earth here in mortality; it was a place of glorious peace, calmness, and of pure joy. My heart was touched, so much to the point that it was hard for this mortal body of mine to take it all in and handle at once. My mind was touched and opened even more to understand this journey that we are on. Though your Dad and I are not alone on our journey, for we have been blessed with immense love and support, however we started out on our own. Embarking on our new life together into the unknown, hand in hand- As we built a home, had children, finished schooling to obtain a steady job and income, we lived in a state of what I would like to call innocence. We had nothing to force us out of our garden of the "all is well" attitude. Then in 2009, the accident came. That was our fruit that we were give to partake and it has forever changed the way that we view and see life as. We therefore, were kicked out of our innocent state, for now we know what real bitter tasted like, along with the immense reality of joy. And because of our changed hearts, there is no going back. Oft times I have thought in the past, why can't we just go back, it was so much easier, we didn't have to do much or have much to worry about. And now we have to work hard, and do a lot to stay afloat and redirect our focus every single day. The work is more exhausting, and the weight makes one feel more fatigued, but I have to remind myself that this is the ONLY WAY. It is the only way for us to be more like our Savior. It is the only way to make our hearts more of what he would want and knows what we need. It would do no good for us to stay the same, in that state of "innocence." I oft times in the past have attempted to find ways to go around our new path, taking short cuts, skipping parts, but only in doing so, has made things more difficult. It is an allusion to think that by taking alternatives routes will be easier, or make us happier. By not facing what needs to be addressed, and trying to avoid what needs to be given our attention too, will only hurt us in the long run- straining relationships, cheating our hearts from healing, and loosing the vigor to live. We have partaken and we know that we need to be 100% on board with the will of God, in order for us to continue this journey together. If we are not, it will pull us apart, which is the complete opposite of the purpose of your mission. Seeing our family grow from such bitter moments has been humbling to say the least. It has been a rough go around these past 4 years, but we are starting to see more clearly each year. How thankful and blessed we are for this Tender Gift that we were give to be with you in the temple last night. More healing has taken place; more anger has been removed and replaced with such sweet inner peace of contentment. To know that you are a full serving missionary that holds the priesthood now, is more then comforting on my little broken mother's heart. Serve well our son. We are behind you, and continue to serve with you. For We Are, "Team Angels." Much Love Eternally, Love Your Mommy