Deep Gratitude

Dear Caleb, We are approaching "that" time, and my body knows it. To relieve the memories from our accident causes my inner core to shutter in utter uneasiness. Today Montey said, "Mom how did Caleb die?" Gosh he was so young, and it pains my heart to have to explain to him what an amazing brother you were, that you are... I said, "Well, Montey, Caleb and I were driving to a store and a car hit us. But he is not dead, just like Jesus, they are resurrected and are alive again. We just can't see them right now, but we will see them soon." Montey answered with a sigh, "Well, why can't we see them, and when will we see them?" Caleb, how I wish I had the answers to tell him when we would see you again. My heart hurts at this time, and that aching pain will always linger, but it is different this year. If there is one word that just makes me cringe, it is the word "dead". I do not believe in it. I strongly dislike people using it, especially around me. It think many people do not really know what they are talking about when they say that word or use it. The blessing that we are all granted after this life is amazing. The knowledge that we take with us from this life, and added upon the knowledge we knew before we came to earth, and then the knowledge we learn after this life... simply amazing! So who is the "dead" one really? It would be us, who are here living in mortality; we only know the "now". Our perspective and understanding is far less superior then our loved ones that are watching over us. So are you "dead" NEVER! And I laugh at everyone that says so. Your site is empty, and THANK GOODNESS for that, and can I say a Hallelujah too! My heart sings knowing that you are alive and well- more alive then us, and it helps heal that sting that I feel with you away from us. Next week we are meeting you in the temple, and I am so beyond excited! I cannot wait to feel you near, it has been so long. Trying to find ways to stay positive and focus on the eternal perspective can be so difficult and draining at times- but it has always been worth the battle. The added strength to be content and the ability to see and feel with peace, is the blessings that I continue to yearn to seek after- these are my life lines of survival. Without these blessings everyday, I would sink beneath the heavy weight of sorrow and grief. What a gift it is to know, and feel. And even a bigger gift to recognize others in such away and reach out with loving hands to serve. If there are times when I am in deep grief, I can always count on helping others to pull me up. It is a beautiful time to heal each others broken hearts, with mourning with those that mourn, and bringing comfort to those that need comfort. The relationships that form at such times are eternal. They are friendships that are the most deep, and loving of all. The most treasured gifts that one could ever wish to obtain in this life. Such jewels are rare in this life, but when you find them, you are rich beyond what words could ever describe, by being filled with a joy that one cannot explain. Deep Gratitude is what I have been filled with this past month. In Nebraska was our greatest sorrow, and yet God placed such a perfect large group of Nebraska Family to support us with such difficulties. In Lake Stevens was our greatest grief healing process, and yet God placed us again with such a perfect large group of Lake Stevens Family to support us with all our emotional roller coasters

. And now we are on our journey to our New Nebraska for a fresh start. We took our first new family photo before we left. We are ready to face the rest of this journey, to see what is held for us, as we stand by and serve with you. Proud is what will always come to our minds and hearts about you accepting your calling to serve. We are so proud, so touched by your example. How we love you beyond all words. So Proud we are. Much Love Always. Love Your Momma.