And Yet Another Year Begins...

Dear Caleb,

Here goes my re-post from last month.
Here we are, in year 2012. Who would have thought? We are coming up onto our 3rd year of holidays without you. Christmas was very difficult, but it wasn't until after the holidays and waiting up for the new year that developed the biggest knot in my throat. I kept thinking why would I want to wish anyone a happy new year. It certainly wouldn't be a happy one for us. I thought of past new years when I had all sorts of excitement for the year: things I had planned, goals I had made. Yet, for us, I already knew what lay ahead... more emotionally difficult days. I kept thinking this is just going to be another groundhogs year... where we are starting everything all over again. How could one be happy with that, and why would one want to celebrate it's arrival???
Depression threatened again at my doors and almost prevailed. But thank goodness for the tender mercies of God, I was given the strength to fight off yet another nasty depression. There is nothing more despairing then feeling engulfed by the one who is miserable and wants us all to be miserable like him.

So what helped me this time you ask? It was literally the hand of God scooping me up and carrying me back to higher grounds. I started working out again, not for new years resolutions as in the past, those were pure self fish reasons. Working out for me is different now, it's a time where all is quiet around me, and it allows my mind to be opened; to listen to thoughts and ideas that come to my mind from the spirit. I was told something amazing that pushed my mind from being in despairing to immediately feeling to rejoice and to look forward to the new year ahead. Being excited in a way that I have never before been. And it suddenly made me realize why I was never successful with my new years resolutions in the past. When my goals were for pure self fish reasons, the motivation would not stay long to obtain the goal. Thinking inwardly does not get anyone anywhere. It is only when we think of others, outside of ourselves, which transpire our resolutions to goals being fulfilled.

The majority of my strength for these 2 1/2 years have been: remembering , reading, and learning more about the legacy of the Mormon Pioneers. It has blessed me, and strengthened me is so many ways. Situations yes were different, but the lessons taught by grief, pain, heart ache are the exact same. So the thoughts came to me telling me, "It's time for you to stop being self fish and thinking inwardly. It is time to think of others, not only of past pioneers but also of the Modern Pioneers today. For it is through serving others that you will find real and lasting joy this year as you fulfill your goals." So what makes one a pioneer? When someone says that word we immediately think of people ridding in wagons, pulling hand carts, and walking by foot to settle foreign places. Though we may not be doing those things, were are being guided in a similar way. We are people who are ridding the new waves of time. People being pulled into the unknown. People who are walking in difficult circumstances. We truly are Modern Day Pioneers.

I think of my Friend, Jamie Gibson Hartley who has bravely carried the challenging trial of Epidermolysis Bullosa (EB), a rare, genetic skin condition distinguished by blisters, open wounds, scarring, chronic pain, and cancer. And what has she given to God? Her heart. She sings like an angel. She learned to paint, and all proceedings of her music and art work have gone to the research for EB. Such an Angel of God!

I think of my close Nebraska friends, Trent and Holly Rasmussen. Trent with such faith and strength, has undergone 23 chemotherapy rounds in battling Sarcoma Cancer. His wife Holly is the perfect example of selflessness, being by his side in every moment as needed. So Inspiring!

I think of a special family, as I recall when they lost job after job, and yet they did not loose trust in God. But instantly turned to him for help. And when told where to go get a job, they did not question.. they moved. Such Faith!

I think of a personal friend, being so positive in every moment, though struggles to do the simplest things after suffering with a stroke. Amazing Example!

Yes, each trial is different, all have hard days, weeks, months, even years; but they all teach the same thing. It is to turn to God in all things. Our journeys are made to be shared to make us look outwardly, and not to turn inwardly where they do no good.

Image the people that each of these my Modern Pioneer Friends are touching each day. The hearts they are turning to God and to Jesus Christ. They are changing the world a friend at a time, a neighborhood, a community, wherever they go. Now if only we all, no matter what religion, or church we go to, what if we too shared our stories.... imagine!!
This is the year of missionary work! This is the year of Miracles!

Caleb, your book that I was inspired to write is almost done. It was reject a few months ago, but I feel we are getting closer. Closer in sharing our journey with others. Closer in doing our part this year, with helping to turn hearts to Jesus Christ.

How we love you. Happy New Year to you.
=)Love Your Mommy