10months in counting.....

Dear Caleb,
Well, the Frog House of which you called our home in Nebraska has sold. It sold in less than 5 days being on the market. I felt as though we were forced to move out, and that our home was no longer ours. It was very hard putting away all your toys, and clothes in boxes. I could not throw a single thing away; I had to keep all your drawings, writings, wrappers, and rocks…. I couldn't get myself to part with anything of yours, even your baby items that Montey is not using anymore. It was the hardest part of our move. As I was packing and cleaning I couldn’t help but think of the modern day Pioneers as they had to move from place to place by force from the mobs that would come and attack them just because of their belief in their God. Though no mobs were attacking us and forcing us to move, this was still a very unwanted, very hard move for us. As I was sweeping my kitchen floor for the last time I kept thinking about the words from Bathsheba Smith, “My last act in that precious spot was to tidy the rooms, sweep up the floor, and set the broom in its accustomed place behind the door. Then with emotions in my heart...I gently closed the door and faced unknown future; faced it with faith in God and with no less assurance of the ultimate establishment of the Gospel in the West and of its true enduring principles, than I had felt in those trying scenes in Missouri." Though our trying times have been there in Nebraska, our hearts have been made stronger, our focus more sure, and our hearts more true. Your sisters and I said our goodbyes to very thing: to the bedrooms, to the walls, to the yard, and the frog pond. We all started to cry, I kept saying, “It’s okay to cry, because we are going to miss our Nebraska home.” I pulled them in and hugged them as we looked out at the frog pond one last time. I could not stall and throw any temper tantrums anymore, because this is actually real. Our hearts are broken all over again, and it feels that we have lost you again. Liahona said to me, “Mom I feel closer to Caleb in Nebraska.” I leaned over and said to her, “I know, me too.” Caleb those beautiful memories we have with you in Nebraska are engraved so deep on our hearts, we are grateful for our June roses in these Decembers of our lives, this is what keeps us strong, and keeps us moving forward to be with you again someday. A day of which we hope is soon.
Driving in the Van away from Lincoln Nebraska was completely difficult. Looking at the capitol building that we loved to go visit and play hide’n’seek at would soon be no more. I kept getting the feeling that what I came to accomplish was never fulfilled. What did I do and learn these past 3 years here in Lincoln. Your father came with a goal and accomplished his, but what about me? I was feeling so uneasy about not knowing any good that came from me living there for 3 years. Then it came to me. We accomplished the amazing with our homeschool studies as a family, it truly pulled us together, and made our bonds strong. A blessing that I will forever be grateful unto the Lord for guiding us in this way. …a way that I plan to continue, for the accomplishment of the success and benefit for our family. For the families that pray together stays together, and that is our goal as a family. Though I may have done this one thing correct, there was still some uneasiness about what I did not accomplish. Before we left Nebraska we drove out to your corner to say our Nebraska goodbyes, and to weed and care for your spot one last time. Emotions were very HIGH, it was very hard on our hearts to be leaving apart of our memories of you behind. I am frustrated that I failed at caring for you when you trusted me most of all. This is what I failed to accomplish here in Nebraska, not being able to help and stop this unwanted situation. My mind is still feeling the effects of everything; I cannot remember anything from the accident. And my short-term memory is shot; I can’t remember much throughout the day. It is irritating to have an 80-year-old memory in a 29-year-old body, but it is what it is. Though I physically failed at being that protective mother to keep you out of harms way, this is something that will forever be heavy on my heart, until it will be my turn to join you. Thankfully, together we did succeed as a family to obtain the spiritual focus on our journey here on earth. We taught you who you are; a child of God, why we are here; to be more like our Savior, and where we go hereafter; back with our loving Father in Heaven. So we succeeded Spiritually here in Nebraska teaching you things of much importance in a world that can be difficult to follow and obey what we know to be right and true. Thank you Caleb for helping our family to be stronger, and keeping us on the path that we know to be true with all our hearts. How grateful we are to know that the gospel of Jesus Christ makes it possible for families to be together, not just in this life but for all eternity. Knowing these things as a child did not make this challenge easier for our family. We had to make the choice and choose for ourselves to either believe what we were taught or nor. Thankfully the promise of the Holy Ghost to always be with us and guide us is real, the promptings of the still small voice can teach us all things, even to know what direction we need to take when we are confused and blinded with very heavy emotions; as what we were. But as a family we have accomplished the impossible it feels like. Starting there in Nebraska, taking us to Washington……we will not fail you anymore Caleb. We do not dare to fail you anymore; we love you and hope to be with you again someday, so we know we too must do our part.
Love Your Mommy

Memories:

Tamara remembers how Caleb liked playing with his legos.

Liahona remembers how Caleb loved playing with his lego computer games.

Mom (Tanya) remembers how Caleb loved to help out with his baby brother.

Dad (Eric) remembers how excellent Caleb's memory was with directions. He always knew where we were going.