~~We LOVE The Gospel Of Jesus Christ~~

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Friday, April 26, 2013

His Work, His Glory

Dear Caleb, Oh how I LOVE Easter. Easter is such a special and sacred time on my heart. It was such a joy to have Easter and General Conference all around the same time. To listen to the Prophet of God, Thomas S. Monson, declare is testimony of the Risen Lord Jesus Christ is always such a needed emotional pick me up. As much as I love Christmas, it is EASTER that my heart is always living and rejoicing in. For Christmas brings us the gift, Jesus Christ. But Easter, now Easter, is the fulfillment of that gift- the gift of Eternal Life, through Jesus Christ. I oft think the world has it all backwards. As much as we rejoice and enjoy Christmas, Easter should be celebrated and praised 10X's MORE! For it is in the promised blessings through the resurrection of our Savior that will bring about ALL of or hopes and dreams to become our eternal reality- eternal life with our families forever and never to part again. Every since Easter I have been able to smile more, and actually mean it... that really is a huge thing for me. Just as the Risen Lord came down amongst the people and they didn't recognize him until he allowed them too, I kind have that strange similar feeling with you. Your mission has not kept your spirit and body separate, for when I go to your site, I feel that it is empty. I am so overjoyed that when we see you, it will be in your resurrected perfect body. So I do not need to stay and mourn where you are not. I need to be okay with moving forward, instead of holding myself back, and our family. But such a task is much easier said then done. It cannot be comprehended or understood what it's like to loose a child in this life, but only those who were called to pass through it. I have never been mad at God or blamed him for this journey that we have been given to live. I have only and always been mad at myself. Myself for not being there for you, myself for not being a better mother, myself for not protecting you, and most of all myself for not being able kiss your wounds and make them better. This is the biggest hurdle that I have yet to tackle, perhaps something that I even thought would be impossible to "let go." On the beautiful week of Easter, I was praying about this very thing to God. I was saying how he must have been wrong to think that I could handle such a trial, that he had made a mistake, that I could not handle this grief, and carry this broken mother heart anymore and I was done. Throughout the next day I kept thinking of the scripture in Moses 3:19, "For this is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." And I would say what the heck does that even mean, for I hear it all the time at church and I never really knew what it meant. It wasn't until I was rocking Cumorah to sleep when I heard the words of my Heavenly Father speak to me, as tenderly as my earthly father would say them in. He said, "Honey, I am sorry that you are taking this so personally and are having a very difficult time, but this is my work and my glory to bring to pass the immortality and eternal life of man." It finally hit. This isn't my work, this isn't my responsibility- This is God's. His Work, His Responsibility, He's GLORY. He wants us home, he wants us back, this is the whole plan from the beginning, and I agree in the premortal life to have him rescue Caleb from the affects of the car accident. Caleb, I am finally okay with this, I am finally okay with God's plan for us. I thought that I had to have your forgiveness before I could ever continue moving forward, being the icing on the cake. But Father above came down himself giving me the cherry on top. Such a pivotal moment that I will never forget. My grief has been lifted like I have never felt before, and I am able to smile and laugh, something that I never really thought I would ever do in this life again. This journey is a calling. A calling that I will never be released from until that great day our Savior comes bring you back to us. A statement I came across to explain my calling in details from the book the price we paid by Andrew D. Olsen, "On your journey home you should constantly seek how you can aid them by your experience, direct and comfort them by your counsels, cheer them by your presence, strengthen their faith, and keep the spirit of union and peace in their midst, that the destroyer may have no power over them." To have faith was a starting point. Now it's time to be my faith. Love You Caleb. Love Your Mommy