Dear Caleb,
Oh sweet Caleb, Caleb, Caleb... my heart aches miserably inside for you, for us; for the desire of having all to be made right. I am not ready for next month, I am dreading it with every ounce of fiber in my being. Yet, I know it will come nevertheless. So I might as well accept the fact and prepare this broke heart of mine, that I may not impede the progress and growth that the Lord has for us. It doesn't make this situation any easier though, it is just a choice one has to make to continue to move forward. For without knowing the bitter, we could not understand the sweet.
As a family we went to Montana, to the family property that we haven't been back too since you were with us. You were 5, Liahona was 4, and Tamara was 2 last time that we went there as a family. It was hard but enjoyable to be back there; where you can feel close to family on both sides of the veil. It is a place of reverence and love. I feared that I wouldn't be able to handle the 2 week trip away from home, but the Lord granted me strength and help so that I could feel of his love; allowing me to be content and not hindering with building new family memories- seeing that this was Montey's first time being there. I took so many pictures to bring that sacred place home with us. It truly was a joy of a trip.
While I was up there at the family property I reading the Book of Mormon, in Mosiah chapter 24, it was a time when the people of the Lord and Alma their prophet, was being ruled by a wicked leader named Amulon. He told the people of God that they could not pray out loud to their God or else he would kill them; but the people didn't stop praying, they continued to pray in their hearts for help and for deliverance from bondage. In verses 13 through15 it says, "And it came to pass that the voice of the Lord came to them in their afflictions, saying: Lift up your heads and be of good comfort, for I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me; and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage. And I will also ease the burdens which are put upon your shoulders, that even you cannot feel them upon your backs, even while you are in bondage; and that ye may know of a surety that I, the Lord God, do visit my people in their afflictions. And now it came to pass that the burdens which were laid upon Alma and his brethren were made light; yea, the Lord did strengthen them that they could bear up their burdens with ease, and they did submit cheerfully with patience to all the will of the Lord."
This scripture truly was written to help me to see more clearly. Though our burden is not with the physical burden of wicked leaders; ours is in: this temporary separation, heat ache, depression, guilt, and disappointment. The Lord granted ease to Alma and his people because of their love and devotion to God whom lives above. These are they who have entered into the waters of baptism, creating a covenant; meaning a two way promise. I took comfort as I re-read, "I know of the covenant which ye have made unto me: and I will covenant with my people and deliver them out of bondage." You, Dad, Liahona, and I have entered into this covenant. And I know that the Lord is strongly aware of our devotion to do his will, and because of that, I know that he has stretched forth his merciful loving arm towards us; to bring us ease. People have told us that trough 'time' things will get better, but I have come to understand it differently. It is not that through time things get better on their own; it is through time that we come to understand and learn that we can actually live with this unwanted burden. It is not because of our strength that we are able to make things better, because that is impossible; there is nothing within ourselves to change the outcome of the past. It is because of Christ that allows us to be lifted on higher ground, even when the circumstances are unfavorable.
This is our final test of all, to do as the people of Alma did; "They did submit cheerfully and with patience to all the will of the Lord." Elder Neal A Maxwell, a former member of the 12 apostles said, "Patience is tied very closely to faith in our Heavenly Father. Actually, when we are unduly impatient, we are suggesting that we know what is best- better than does God. Or, at least, we are asserting that our timetable is better than his. Either way we are questioning the reality of God's omniscience, as if, as some seem to believe, God were on some sort of postdoctoral fellowship..." Knowing that our burden has been made light, we cannot but rejoice in the Lord; For truly we are slowly being brought out of our bondage. I just pray that, we as a family, may wait with patience on the Lord, with obtaining the desires of our hearts- in being an eternal family.
Much Loves to you Buddy Boy,
Love Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers, how You loved to play with your squirt guns and spray bottles; especially with your sisters.
Liahona remembers, how You always wanted a pet snake.
Mom remembers, how You liked to play bowling with plastic cups and a small rubber ball.
Dad remembers, how You would often talk him into jumping on the trampoline with you.
Sunday, July 24, 2011
Friday, June 24, 2011
"Still Moving"
Dear Caleb,
My heart can hardily contain all these feelings and emotions. I try to put on a smiling face for everyone, but inside I am such a wretched mess. Especially with yesterday being your 10th Birthday, and today being the 24th. Sometimes I just want to cry and cry, and when I do, there is just no stopping those tears. Usually it's when I am on my knees pleading for the Lords' help, or when I recognize a tender mercy from the Lord- helping us to feel of his love for us. Like when I was putting your Birthday video together, I couldn't seem to find your 7 year old birthday pictures anywhere in all the files we had saved on the computer. I said a prayer to find it and literally when I sat back down at the computer those pictures of yours popped up on the screen.... tears just flowed with gratitude for his tender mercies with helping us put that together for you.
There is an old conference talk from 2004 that I came across the other day. By Sister Clegg who was the second counselor in the Primary Presidency at that time, she talked about the importance to "Keep Moving." She said, "My husband’s great-grandfather Henry Clegg Jr. was a finisher. He joined the Church with his family when the first LDS missionaries went to Preston, England. Henry had a view of his destination in his mind as he and his wife, Hannah, and their two young boys immigrated to Utah. Henry left his older parents, who were too feeble to make such a long and arduous journey, knowing he would never see them again.
While crossing the plains, Hannah contracted cholera and died. She was laid to rest in an unmarked grave. The company then moved on, and at six in the evening, Henry’s youngest son also died. Henry retraced his steps to Hannah’s grave, placed his young son in his wife’s arms, and reburied the two of them together. Henry then had to return to the wagon train, now five miles away. Suffering from cholera himself, Henry described his condition as being at death’s door while realizing he still had a thousand miles to walk. Amazingly he continued forward, putting one foot in front of the other. He stopped writing in his journal for several weeks after losing his dear Hannah and little son. I was struck with the words he used when he did start writing again: “Still moving.”
What makes us, our family to "Keep Moving," especially when it seems so hard and impossible. What makes The Church of Jesus Christ so special to help one get through difficult circumstances? Why is this church so different then other churches? Caleb, I will tell you why. But first let me explain that being born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, I did not understand why. I was good with observing all the outward appearances of being a good Member of the church. But honestly, I can tell you that I truly was not converted until after the accident, in which many call being saved. In the Book of Mormon 2 Nephi chapter 25 verses 23 and 26 says, "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethern, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." But for me Caleb, on this journey that our family is on, finding our own finish to our story, it is a dire need to be saved everyday, not just once.
So why does my affiliation to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints seem to be more intense then ever before? We are taught that Our Father in Heaven created a beautiful plan for us, to come to earth, receive a body, and to prove faithful in our love for him in this life, and we will be blessed with a royal crown on high- to come dwell with him. But what about our families that we have grown to love and cherish while in this earthly life? To leave them behind when one moves on to the next life, is a sore and painful heartbreak. We are taught that when one is married in the Holy Temples of the Lord, we are married not just for time here on earth but for ALL eternity. And we are promised and blessed that all the children that we help bring down to earth will be ours for time on earth, and for all eternity too.
Back in August 2009, right before the accident I prayed that I would gain a stronger understanding of the temples of the Lord. I knew they were important, but I didn't understand exactly why. When we were in Nauvoo after your baptism, remember when Grandma and Grandpa Mathison were watching you, so Dad and I could attend the temple there in Nauvoo- well I prayed that I would gain a stronger understanding of the temple. And then the next week came the accident. For the longest time I thought it was all my fault for praying for such a thing- my mother always told me to be careful what you pray for because you just might get it. And she was right. It has been a bitter journey for our family without you here. But because of Christ's atoning sacrifice for us, he truly has made all things possible. The promises in the temple, to be an eternal family is our one and only Hope in this life and in the next- this is what we fight for, to be worthy to receive this promised blessing someday. The one righteous burning desire of our hearts, to be a complete family again, to be whole- in being an eternal family. This is why we can tell people that we are "Still Moving."
How much we love the Lord, our Savior for making all things to be made right someday. And for our Father in Heaven who has blessed us with Holy Temples to create Eternal Families, where one can always have Hope. I call Temples a symbol of God's love for us, his children. Oh how he is truly mindful of our needs, both temporal and eternal.
Happy 10th Birthday Caleb. We are truly thankful for your obedience and willingness to answer the call to serve on the other side of the veil. Thank you for pointing our family towards these Holy Temples, and to come unto Christ. What a blessing you have been to our family from the beginning, thank you for your patience with us. We are trying our best to catch up, please don't loosen your slack on us now.
We Love You,
Love Your Mommy
Tamara's newest memory is that she remembers trying to find where Gus (our hamster) was burried in their Nebraska sandbox in the back yard. Her and Caleb kept digging up sand to try to find Gus, because they missed him, but they could never find him.
Liahona's newest memory is that she remembers that her and Caleb came up with the idea to clean up the whole house. Caleb came up to her and said Let's pick up this room for mom and dad. And she said That's a good idea, but let's pick up the whole house. And Caleb said YEAH! And then they ran downstairs to the white board and drew out their plans.
Mom (Tanya) remembers How Caleb liked sleeping on the twin air mattress and how he liked to bounce around on it.
Dad (Eric) remembers How Caleb loved to go bowling as a family. And how excited he would get when he would knock all the pins down to get a strike or spare.
My heart can hardily contain all these feelings and emotions. I try to put on a smiling face for everyone, but inside I am such a wretched mess. Especially with yesterday being your 10th Birthday, and today being the 24th. Sometimes I just want to cry and cry, and when I do, there is just no stopping those tears. Usually it's when I am on my knees pleading for the Lords' help, or when I recognize a tender mercy from the Lord- helping us to feel of his love for us. Like when I was putting your Birthday video together, I couldn't seem to find your 7 year old birthday pictures anywhere in all the files we had saved on the computer. I said a prayer to find it and literally when I sat back down at the computer those pictures of yours popped up on the screen.... tears just flowed with gratitude for his tender mercies with helping us put that together for you.
There is an old conference talk from 2004 that I came across the other day. By Sister Clegg who was the second counselor in the Primary Presidency at that time, she talked about the importance to "Keep Moving." She said, "My husband’s great-grandfather Henry Clegg Jr. was a finisher. He joined the Church with his family when the first LDS missionaries went to Preston, England. Henry had a view of his destination in his mind as he and his wife, Hannah, and their two young boys immigrated to Utah. Henry left his older parents, who were too feeble to make such a long and arduous journey, knowing he would never see them again.
While crossing the plains, Hannah contracted cholera and died. She was laid to rest in an unmarked grave. The company then moved on, and at six in the evening, Henry’s youngest son also died. Henry retraced his steps to Hannah’s grave, placed his young son in his wife’s arms, and reburied the two of them together. Henry then had to return to the wagon train, now five miles away. Suffering from cholera himself, Henry described his condition as being at death’s door while realizing he still had a thousand miles to walk. Amazingly he continued forward, putting one foot in front of the other. He stopped writing in his journal for several weeks after losing his dear Hannah and little son. I was struck with the words he used when he did start writing again: “Still moving.”
What makes us, our family to "Keep Moving," especially when it seems so hard and impossible. What makes The Church of Jesus Christ so special to help one get through difficult circumstances? Why is this church so different then other churches? Caleb, I will tell you why. But first let me explain that being born into The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints, I did not understand why. I was good with observing all the outward appearances of being a good Member of the church. But honestly, I can tell you that I truly was not converted until after the accident, in which many call being saved. In the Book of Mormon 2 Nephi chapter 25 verses 23 and 26 says, "For we labor diligently to write, to persuade our children, and also our brethern, to believe in Christ, and to be reconciled to God; for we know that it is by grace that we are saved, after all we can do." "And we talk of Christ, we rejoice in Christ, we preach of Christ, we prophesy of Christ, and we write according to our prophecies, that our children may know to what source they may look for a remission of their sins." But for me Caleb, on this journey that our family is on, finding our own finish to our story, it is a dire need to be saved everyday, not just once.
So why does my affiliation to The Church of Jesus Christ of Latterday Saints seem to be more intense then ever before? We are taught that Our Father in Heaven created a beautiful plan for us, to come to earth, receive a body, and to prove faithful in our love for him in this life, and we will be blessed with a royal crown on high- to come dwell with him. But what about our families that we have grown to love and cherish while in this earthly life? To leave them behind when one moves on to the next life, is a sore and painful heartbreak. We are taught that when one is married in the Holy Temples of the Lord, we are married not just for time here on earth but for ALL eternity. And we are promised and blessed that all the children that we help bring down to earth will be ours for time on earth, and for all eternity too.
Back in August 2009, right before the accident I prayed that I would gain a stronger understanding of the temples of the Lord. I knew they were important, but I didn't understand exactly why. When we were in Nauvoo after your baptism, remember when Grandma and Grandpa Mathison were watching you, so Dad and I could attend the temple there in Nauvoo- well I prayed that I would gain a stronger understanding of the temple. And then the next week came the accident. For the longest time I thought it was all my fault for praying for such a thing- my mother always told me to be careful what you pray for because you just might get it. And she was right. It has been a bitter journey for our family without you here. But because of Christ's atoning sacrifice for us, he truly has made all things possible. The promises in the temple, to be an eternal family is our one and only Hope in this life and in the next- this is what we fight for, to be worthy to receive this promised blessing someday. The one righteous burning desire of our hearts, to be a complete family again, to be whole- in being an eternal family. This is why we can tell people that we are "Still Moving."
How much we love the Lord, our Savior for making all things to be made right someday. And for our Father in Heaven who has blessed us with Holy Temples to create Eternal Families, where one can always have Hope. I call Temples a symbol of God's love for us, his children. Oh how he is truly mindful of our needs, both temporal and eternal.
Happy 10th Birthday Caleb. We are truly thankful for your obedience and willingness to answer the call to serve on the other side of the veil. Thank you for pointing our family towards these Holy Temples, and to come unto Christ. What a blessing you have been to our family from the beginning, thank you for your patience with us. We are trying our best to catch up, please don't loosen your slack on us now.
We Love You,
Love Your Mommy
Tamara's newest memory is that she remembers trying to find where Gus (our hamster) was burried in their Nebraska sandbox in the back yard. Her and Caleb kept digging up sand to try to find Gus, because they missed him, but they could never find him.
Liahona's newest memory is that she remembers that her and Caleb came up with the idea to clean up the whole house. Caleb came up to her and said Let's pick up this room for mom and dad. And she said That's a good idea, but let's pick up the whole house. And Caleb said YEAH! And then they ran downstairs to the white board and drew out their plans.
Mom (Tanya) remembers How Caleb liked sleeping on the twin air mattress and how he liked to bounce around on it.
Dad (Eric) remembers How Caleb loved to go bowling as a family. And how excited he would get when he would knock all the pins down to get a strike or spare.
Thursday, June 23, 2011
12months old
On June 23, 2002:
You were walking. You were climbing. You were pulling off all the books on the bookshelf. You were always holding rocks. you were always wanting to play ball. you were enjoying your new little sister Little Miss, is what we first called her.
You were always wanting to hug and kiss her, which was awfully cute but it would make her cry because you were still learning how to be soft. You were still waking up often throughout the nights.
(pictures to come.)
You were walking. You were climbing. You were pulling off all the books on the bookshelf. You were always holding rocks. you were always wanting to play ball. you were enjoying your new little sister Little Miss, is what we first called her.
You were always wanting to hug and kiss her, which was awfully cute but it would make her cry because you were still learning how to be soft. You were still waking up often throughout the nights.
(pictures to come.)
Happy 10th Birthday Caleb
(Thank you Julie for sending us this song, it has been perfect for our hearts with making Caleb's birthday memory video.)
Happy Pirate Birthday Caleb, the girls thought you would like to have a pirate party this year so we are, in honor of you.
We hope you can feel our love for you today as we celebrate with you.
We Love You, Love Your Family
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