Dear Caleb,
So here we are again another Christmas without you physically with us. It has been a month of emotions for me. So full, that I have yet to figure out what to do with them. Last month, shortly after Thanksgiving we went to the Christmas play 'The Forgotten Carols ' written by Michael McLean. I remember going to this play when I was about 11 years old, the music has always been some of my favorite Christmas songs. But this time while listening I heard something new. Something that touched my heart ever so powerfully and spoke to me as though I heard you talk to me. It was in the song about Joseph the Carpenter, and how he might have felt being imperfect raising the Son of God, who was perfect. In this song Joseph was contemplated how he did with raising the Son of God, hoping that he did OK. And then the song says that Joseph heard the Lord say, "You have done just fine." Caleb I have battled over this more than anything, hoping that I did even the slightest bit of good raising you. And I heard you tell me those same words, "You have done just fine."
As I was looking for a Christmas movie I came across this one notebook. I started to thumb through it and I came to a page with your testimony on it- something that we never got to hear you bear in person. As I read it I could hear you share these words with us:
"I know that Jesus has died for me. He loves children I know I sow the movie. I love Jesus becaese he creatid me. He loves us to! Some times you want to watch church movies on sunday. You better love your family. Missrnares come to your house. On Sunday you go to church. Some times you have mettings. " (written exactly how Caleb wrote it)
I am very much like that Joseph the Carpenter song, I am flawed and so imperfect. I am glad that the Lord has blessed you and helped you come home, inspite of my imperfections with you being my 1st born. I was so unprepared and felt so inadequate to raise such a perfect child as yourself, Thank you for being so patient with me. You have taught us oh so very much.
My thoughts have turned a lot to Mary during this Christmas month. If anyone would know the heartache of loosing a firstborn son, it would be Mary. For her to be content with what she was allotted, is an amazing example for me. I am still trying to be content, but it is so very difficult for my heart to accept all that IS. But I know as imperfect and flawed that I am, I can be like Mary, and be content with the Lord's help. Of which I am so grateful for this Christmas season to grant me this strength.
Caleb something happened to me this Christmas season. I have been given a more broad perspective to see life with. In the past I have been so upset knowing that I had to keep living without you, feeling ever so guilty that you left alone on my watch. When I should have left too, but only I was giving extended time on this life. Though pieces of those feelings will always be burried deep down inside me, i have felt a new sense of life now. I have come to realize that I am on borrowed time! And I haven't done well with it so far, and I am determined to use it more wisely. I cannot have joy and happiness like I use too, it was to trivial. My joy and happiness comes from and goes much deeper than ever before. To be with your 3 siblings here is a pure, inexpressible joy in my heart- to know that we are receiving your help daily is healing to my aching heart. We have felt your presence and heard your voice often. What a blessed gift these moments have been to us. Your Daddy is such an amazing man, to have his extended patience for me, is beyond what I could have ever hoped for. He has been a big help with helping me to appreciate life again- instead of staying in the past with being full of bitterness and anger. My broke heart will always be there, but I have so much Joy within knowing that when Christ comes he will bring healing in his wings, and all will be made right. Christ came once, and I am grateful to know that he will come again, and oh how that time is coming soon as the Scriptures say. We rejoice with much rejoicing this Christmas. And we look forward to that wonderful JOY that is coming!!
Merry Christmas Caleb. We love you.
Love, Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers making a book path with Caleb. They could only walk where there were books. And sometimes they would stop along the path and read a book. Then they would set it back down and continue walking on the path.
Liahona remembers when listening to the "Move IT" song from Madagascar her, Caleb and Tamara thought the part that says, "I like to Party, party" was "I like to potty, potty."
Mom remembers how Caleb liked climbing on the outside of the stair railing and would be scared when he was up high at first, but soon got brave to do it over and over again with little fear.
Dad remembers how Caleb loved exploring the campgrounds that we camped at.
Friday, December 24, 2010
Thursday, December 23, 2010
6 months old
On December 23 of 2001, you were 6 months old. We were still living in Cheney Washington, dad was doing his prerequisites to get into Nursing school. He was working at a Nursing home, and got his nursing assistant certificate, which was just the beginning of getting his feet wet as he got closer to become an RN.
Things you were doing at this age was:
(still trying to find the book, will fill in soon.)
Things you were doing at this age was:
(still trying to find the book, will fill in soon.)
Tuesday, December 7, 2010
The Caleb Mathison Memorial Scholarship
Dear Family and Friends,
We are full of appreciation for all your love and support that you have given to us this past year. It has been a long and difficult road- a road that was not made to be passed through like other trials, but one that we get to live with for the rest of our lives. This trial has been very tearing on our hearts, making it difficult to heal.
Eric's dear classmates from BryanLGH started a Scholarship Memorial Fund in honor of Caleb. Our wish is to help get this scholarship endowed, to help keep Caleb forever in the memory and hearts of all who knew and loved him. Once we get his scholarship endowed we will be able to award and bless the life of 1 person each year from the BraynLGH School of Health Sciences. In helping us get this scholarship endowed, it will bring more healing to the hearts of the Mathison Family; in achieving a permanent memorial for our son, Caleb, to always be there in Nebraska- the place we have grown to love. As you help us get this scholarship endowed, it is ALL of us who will be giving and blessing the lives of many in the long run.
We do not want this to be a financial burden to anyone, especially at this Holiday Season. We just ask that if you could, please send $5, $25, $50, $100, whatever to help us in our Holiday Wish. Through the help of Eric's classmates, co-workers and many other great people, we have reached 1/3 of our goal. We could greatly use your help as we work together in accomplishing to endow this scholarship to reach 100%.
It is to be sent directly to this address:
BryanLGH Foundation
1600 South 48th Street
Lincoln, NE 68506
Make checks out to the BryanLGH Foundation,
and include a note stating that the donation is directed toward The Caleb Mathison Memorial Scholarship.
We can not begin to express what our tender hearts feel for all of you.
All we can say is "Thank You" from the bottom of our hearts, and may you feel the tender mercies of love back.
Love, The Mathison Family
We are full of appreciation for all your love and support that you have given to us this past year. It has been a long and difficult road- a road that was not made to be passed through like other trials, but one that we get to live with for the rest of our lives. This trial has been very tearing on our hearts, making it difficult to heal.
Eric's dear classmates from BryanLGH started a Scholarship Memorial Fund in honor of Caleb. Our wish is to help get this scholarship endowed, to help keep Caleb forever in the memory and hearts of all who knew and loved him. Once we get his scholarship endowed we will be able to award and bless the life of 1 person each year from the BraynLGH School of Health Sciences. In helping us get this scholarship endowed, it will bring more healing to the hearts of the Mathison Family; in achieving a permanent memorial for our son, Caleb, to always be there in Nebraska- the place we have grown to love. As you help us get this scholarship endowed, it is ALL of us who will be giving and blessing the lives of many in the long run.
We do not want this to be a financial burden to anyone, especially at this Holiday Season. We just ask that if you could, please send $5, $25, $50, $100, whatever to help us in our Holiday Wish. Through the help of Eric's classmates, co-workers and many other great people, we have reached 1/3 of our goal. We could greatly use your help as we work together in accomplishing to endow this scholarship to reach 100%.
It is to be sent directly to this address:
BryanLGH Foundation
1600 South 48th Street
Lincoln, NE 68506
Make checks out to the BryanLGH Foundation,
and include a note stating that the donation is directed toward The Caleb Mathison Memorial Scholarship.
We can not begin to express what our tender hearts feel for all of you.
All we can say is "Thank You" from the bottom of our hearts, and may you feel the tender mercies of love back.
Love, The Mathison Family
Wednesday, November 24, 2010
Full of Thanks
Dear Caleb,
Today is November 24Th, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We are on our second round of Holidays without you physically here with us. Each one is such a low blow for me, it is just a "nice" reminder of what we currently don't have right now; A complete family. Our family of 6; with our 2 boys and and 2 girls together. It makes it hard to be thankfully for the now, but it makes me VERY thankful for the THEN. We are super excited and anxious for the THEN; so much more, that we seem to have very little patience for the now.
"I take pleasure in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."( 2Corinthians 12:10) We have felt the weakness of the body; for without Christ we surely have no strength, no joy, and no hope. Elder Dallin H Oaks said that, "The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ is available for every affliction in mortality." Caleb, we have felt this healing power, and as you know we are not a family that lies. It is a real power, a real strength that can come to us if we just have faith. Elder Oaks said, "Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to him who loves us best. Sometimes a 'healing' cures our illness, or lifts our burdens. But sometimes we are 'healed' by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us." Caleb, I never thought that by being given strength would be considered a healing power until now. It is a different healing than what I was hoping for to be honest. I wished that I had enough faith to bring you back, even just for a second to tell you how much my heart feels for you, and to whisper how sorry I am for the way that we parted. If I were as ready as you were, I would be with you, but I apparently am not, seeing that I am still here. Because of that, I know that I have much to work on. Hoping to do better each day to be worthy to come home and be with you someday. In 2 Corinthians 12:7, Paul came to the Lord 3 times asking to be healed from a "thorn in the flesh" that greatly bothered him. The Lord did not remove it, but gave him strength to live with it. Helping him to always remember that in our weak moments if we look to the Lord they will become our strengthens because of his grace and love for us.
Elder Oaks says, "At times we may despair that our burdens are too great, when it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciple in the storm, 'Master carest thou not that we perish?' At such times we should remember his reply: 'Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith' ?" Caleb, it is irritating how much I let my mind dwell on doubt, when I know better. Every fiber of my being tells me that I know how much we are known and loved by the Lord. It is only then when I have stepped away with doubt, that makes me feel abandoned from his loving arms. And when I can't take the feeling of feeling so utterly alone I drop to my knees in tears pleading for strength, and it is in that moment when I turn to him, that I feel his supporting arms still stretched out for me.
Elder Neal A Maxwell said, "Some have trials to pass through while still others have allotments that are to live with. Paul lived with his 'thorn in the flesh'. Varied as our allotments may be, we can still keep the commandments of God." I have come to understand, that we will either shrink away from the Lord, or we will swell with joy in the Lord; as we continue to push forward with the allotments that we have been entrusted to us to grow. Keeping the commandments is not just merely something that we do, it has a stronger purpose; for it is something that we DESIRE to do. We need the strength from the Lord, and it is a small sacrifice to show the Lord that we are deserving of it. Caleb, I often wonder how Mary lived with the 'thorn in her flesh' with knowing everything that she did about Jesus. In Luke 2:19 It says that she "Kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Elder Neal A Maxwell said that Pondering often precedes contentment. Her thorn was great but she was able to find peace with it and be content. Caleb, my goal during these Holiday seasons it to be more like Mary, with being content. Finding and Keeping that contentment through Christ, as I strive to do my part in keeping the commandments, and choose to finish this work that we have been called to do.
We love you greatly Caleb, our buddy boy. Happy Thanksgiving. Love Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers how much Caleb loved gum.
Liahona remembers playing battleship with Caleb downstairs during a bad thunderstorm/ tornado warning in 2008. She also remembers how her and Caleb went to go wake up Tamara to bring her downstairs as mom watched the news. She remembers how Caleb woke up Tamara by lightly pinching her arms up and down.... which always worked.
Mom (Tanya) remembers when Caleb was little how he liked to watch Elmo's World with Mr. Noodle.
Dad (Eric) remembers how much Caleb loved to eat grapefruit.
Today is November 24Th, and tomorrow is Thanksgiving. We are on our second round of Holidays without you physically here with us. Each one is such a low blow for me, it is just a "nice" reminder of what we currently don't have right now; A complete family. Our family of 6; with our 2 boys and and 2 girls together. It makes it hard to be thankfully for the now, but it makes me VERY thankful for the THEN. We are super excited and anxious for the THEN; so much more, that we seem to have very little patience for the now.
"I take pleasure in reproaches, in necessities, in persecutions, in distresses for Christ's sake: for when I am weak, then am I strong."( 2Corinthians 12:10) We have felt the weakness of the body; for without Christ we surely have no strength, no joy, and no hope. Elder Dallin H Oaks said that, "The healing power of the Lord Jesus Christ is available for every affliction in mortality." Caleb, we have felt this healing power, and as you know we are not a family that lies. It is a real power, a real strength that can come to us if we just have faith. Elder Oaks said, "Healing blessings come in many ways, each suited to our individual needs, as known to him who loves us best. Sometimes a 'healing' cures our illness, or lifts our burdens. But sometimes we are 'healed' by being given strength or understanding or patience to bear the burdens placed upon us." Caleb, I never thought that by being given strength would be considered a healing power until now. It is a different healing than what I was hoping for to be honest. I wished that I had enough faith to bring you back, even just for a second to tell you how much my heart feels for you, and to whisper how sorry I am for the way that we parted. If I were as ready as you were, I would be with you, but I apparently am not, seeing that I am still here. Because of that, I know that I have much to work on. Hoping to do better each day to be worthy to come home and be with you someday. In 2 Corinthians 12:7, Paul came to the Lord 3 times asking to be healed from a "thorn in the flesh" that greatly bothered him. The Lord did not remove it, but gave him strength to live with it. Helping him to always remember that in our weak moments if we look to the Lord they will become our strengthens because of his grace and love for us.
Elder Oaks says, "At times we may despair that our burdens are too great, when it seems that a tempest is raging in our lives, we may feel abandoned and cry out like the disciple in the storm, 'Master carest thou not that we perish?' At such times we should remember his reply: 'Why are ye so fearful? How is it that ye have no faith' ?" Caleb, it is irritating how much I let my mind dwell on doubt, when I know better. Every fiber of my being tells me that I know how much we are known and loved by the Lord. It is only then when I have stepped away with doubt, that makes me feel abandoned from his loving arms. And when I can't take the feeling of feeling so utterly alone I drop to my knees in tears pleading for strength, and it is in that moment when I turn to him, that I feel his supporting arms still stretched out for me.
Elder Neal A Maxwell said, "Some have trials to pass through while still others have allotments that are to live with. Paul lived with his 'thorn in the flesh'. Varied as our allotments may be, we can still keep the commandments of God." I have come to understand, that we will either shrink away from the Lord, or we will swell with joy in the Lord; as we continue to push forward with the allotments that we have been entrusted to us to grow. Keeping the commandments is not just merely something that we do, it has a stronger purpose; for it is something that we DESIRE to do. We need the strength from the Lord, and it is a small sacrifice to show the Lord that we are deserving of it. Caleb, I often wonder how Mary lived with the 'thorn in her flesh' with knowing everything that she did about Jesus. In Luke 2:19 It says that she "Kept all these things, and pondered them in her heart." Elder Neal A Maxwell said that Pondering often precedes contentment. Her thorn was great but she was able to find peace with it and be content. Caleb, my goal during these Holiday seasons it to be more like Mary, with being content. Finding and Keeping that contentment through Christ, as I strive to do my part in keeping the commandments, and choose to finish this work that we have been called to do.
We love you greatly Caleb, our buddy boy. Happy Thanksgiving. Love Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers how much Caleb loved gum.
Liahona remembers playing battleship with Caleb downstairs during a bad thunderstorm/ tornado warning in 2008. She also remembers how her and Caleb went to go wake up Tamara to bring her downstairs as mom watched the news. She remembers how Caleb woke up Tamara by lightly pinching her arms up and down.... which always worked.
Mom (Tanya) remembers when Caleb was little how he liked to watch Elmo's World with Mr. Noodle.
Dad (Eric) remembers how much Caleb loved to eat grapefruit.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
