Dear Caleb,
Nine months........ I remember getting so anxious for you to arrive and join our family. I remember playing on a co-ed soccer team with your dad while being very pregnant with you thinking that it would help me go into labor, so we could get you here sooner, but of course it didn't work... You came exactly on your due date.
Montey just turned 2, Tamara just turned 6, this next month is going to be even harder... You and Liahona, My Irish Twins, will both be 8. Liahona had to make a very hard decision just recently, she had to decide to either be baptized here where you were, or to wait to have friends and family join us when we move. And though the choice was hard, she was slightly disappointed that she had to choose between the two. Yet from all of this, it has caused her to be more wise and mature for her age than most 7 years are suppose to be. She decided that she would wait, so that family and friends could come and be with her at this very special and important time in her life, plus she said it would be easier for you to come too.
The first of May Dad accepted a job offer in Washington to start work in July. We have been looking and searching since Dec of last year. Funny how the Lord tests our faith in him to the very last minute before we receive an open door. So we have an opening of a whole month and a half to figure out where we were going to move too, pack, clean, move, and have dad take his BIG Certification Exam. Just one of these alone could cause one to be full of stress. And we have 5 BIG things right on top of each other, but it is no big deal to us. We actually won't start packing until June 1st. Which will only give us 2 weeks to pack everything up. The moment we moved here, I would have told you that I was going to start packing January of 2010, four months before Dad even graduated. Now, we can't bear the thought of moving and leaving all of our fond memories with you. It hurts. The pain is too deep to even describe. It is our last temper tantrum that we will get to throw by delaying everything because we will have to face the inevitable soon... Oh Too Soon!
It amazing how one trial as ours can cause such deep pains, that cause such huge ripples, that cause such a HUGE change in oneself, and in our family. The struggles and pains will most likely always be there, but to know that life from here on out will only be but a cake walk for us Mathison's. Packing, Cleaning, Finding a place across the country, Moving, starting a new job in a new place.......... seriously NOT a big deal. Does not even compare to what we have already been through as a family.
Though I am not a direct descendant of the amazing Mormon Pioneers, I gain much strength from these strong individuals as they accomplished the impossible. They traveled by wagons and handcarts walking about 1400 miles from the Midwest into the West. They faced so many hardships of sickness, fatigue, persecution, and having to face loosing many of their loved ones. Having to bury them and leave them behind... and so much more. "I KNOW THAT WE ARE IN GOOD COMPANY." I am proud to carry the name Mormon in their behalf, carrying their legacy and banner of "H"ope and eternal perspective that will not die with me, nor my children. WE KNOW WHO WE ARE. WE KNOW WHY WE ARE HERE. AND WE KNOW WHERE WE GET TO GO HERE AFTER. And how blessed we are to know such things. So what one pioneer did was not just for their family, but for us all, to build and gather to Zion. A place of one heart and one mind. Now it is our turn, as the gathering is still in full effect, it is everyone Else's' job to STRENGTHEN it! Keep the banner waving, letting everyone know where they truly can find peace and "H"ope which will not ever come from here, but from our Loving Father in Heaven. I know these things to be truth...Oh how grateful I am.
Caleb we will see you soon. We pray for that day to come quickly. Keep up the great work you are doing. We can't thank you enough. Love you Buddy boy. Love Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers how Caleb loved to bite on his straws from the drinks that he would get at restaurants.
Liahona remembers how Caleb said, "All of our friends and cousins have vans. I want a van because they can go faster."
Mom(Tanya) remembers how observant Caleb always was. One time while driving in the van as a family he said, "Mom, all the girls are on one side and all the boys are on the other side."
Dad(Eric) remembers how Caleb liked to use a hiking stick to walk with on our family hikes. And how he also liked to use it to whack things that were in his way.
Monday, May 24, 2010
Friday, April 30, 2010
"8" and still aching...
(Computer crashed, unable to post on the 24th.)
Dear Caleb,
Dad just got back from a long school conference, then before that he was in the NW looking for a job. Dad graduates, this next week, 10 long years. It actually breaks my heart to see that we will be moving into a new chapter of life without creating new memories with you. It makes us all the more thankful for our June roses, in these the December of our lives. I do not want to move away from this home, this city, this area that have so many memories of you. But as the Work of the Lord moves on, so will we.
But we do not move on being naive by not understanding, nor in despair, which is the opposite of Hope. WE move on not with lowercase "h" hope, which is only just an approximation of wishes of positive optimism of the future. WE move on WITH the uppercase "H" Hope, which is the Ultimate Hope! It is the assurance that ALL things WILL turn out well, through Jesus Christ. Our "H"ope is strong. Our "H"ope is an anchor to our soul. In our dark difficult nights, such blessed "H"ope helps us to hold on, and not give into despair, when it has been oh so hard to hold on too anything. We do not dare set ourselves against "H"ope to despair. Which is to deny the power of the atonement of Jesus Christ, it is to say that Christ... cannot save you Caleb; That Christ cannot heal my broken heart; That Christ cannot bless our family; That the future is closed to any possibilities to receive help in bringing our family back together; That things will never get better; That the dawn will never come.
We KNOW that all of these are FALSE thoughts! There IS "H"ope, there is "H"ope because of Jesus Christ. However the darkness of the night may be or seem, the DAWN WILL ALWAYS COME! We have felt strength from beyond our own capacity of our mortal beings. There is someone who cares for us, hurts for us, and is there to helps us. If only, we can just look beyond what our mortal eyes can see.
Steven Curtis Chapman wrote a song called "Spring Is Coming."
We planted the seed while the tears of our grief soaked the ground
The sky lost its sun, and the world lost its green to lifeless brown
Now the chilling wind has turned the earth hard as stone
And silently seed rise beneath ice and snow
And my heart's heavy now
But I'm not letting go of this hope I have that tells me
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
And all we've been hoping and longing for soon will appear
Spring is coming, Spring is coming
It won't be long now, it's just about here
Caleb, because our of Ultimate "H"ope we will not let you down. We KNOW that we will see and be with you again, a time that is coming soon! We have no other earthly goals nor mortal desires that is stronger than for us to be together again. This is what we are working for, this is what we "H"ope for, which can only be fulfilled through our Savior. Our hearts rejoice to know that our dreams CAN become a reality through our most loving and merciful Lord. What would be the point of heaven if we couldn't be with our families forever? I am grateful to know of the truthfulness of these things, for my heart receives much strength to move forward towards you because of it's push. We love you, Buddy Boy. We ARE doing our part to be together again soon. Love you so very much, Love Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers how Caleb liked to be silly.
Liahona remembers when Caleb was cold as he got out from the pool at the Y, he would chatter his teeth together really fast.
Mom (Tanya) remembers how Caleb liked having Mom drive through the BIG puddles after a rain storm.
Dad (Eric) remembers how Caleb loved the color red, and how he liked red heads too. =)
Friday, March 26, 2010
7 Long Ones
Dear Caleb,
There are many dates coming upon us this Spring of which will be very hard to get through. We are not looking forward to have them come without you "physically" here with us, to celebrate together. Montey will be 2 next month. Remember how grouchy he was for his 1st birthday? And how he didn't even want cake and ice cream because he just wanted a nap? Remember how you helped him blow out his candles with your sisters and dad? Montey is still not sleeping through the night. I often wonder at night if it would still wake you up, and cause you to loose sleep... though you never were bothered by it. You were such a happy loving brother that you would often bet me to help Montey at night if I didn't get in there fast enough. I often wonder if I would still have to pick you up at night and put you in the girl's room on the floor so you could get a descent night's rest every once in awhile. I know Montey misses his Brother, and sleeping buddy.
And the Girls,............ they still long for their fun energized silly brother to play with again. There isn't a day that has gone by without a memory being added to your memory journals. It's always, "Remember when Caleb did this"...., and "Remember how Caleb did that".....
And for your dad,............. I know he aches like crazy inside. Yesterday Liahona earned all her school stickers on her chart and it was her turn to go out with dad. They went bowling, something that you loved to do. She sat in the car with him, and I know that he must have reflected on the time that the two of you would go out golfing together. I know he misses you terribly!
And as for me, your mother,...........It literally kills me with internal pain inside. I may look fine on the outside but if you really sat down to talk to me, the wall would just break down with how much this just hurts to have your presence gone from us. I try so hard not to be bitter, angry, and jealous of others; I have had a lot of repenting to do from my lack of strength. If you would have asked me if I thought I would have gotten this trial, I would have told you... "Oh that happens to other people, not me." And yet here I am, in the worst nightmare that I never thought I would be given, nor ready. But who is ever READY for such a trial. I have come to realize that because many do not have this hard trial to face with loosing a personal loved one with learning about the gift of eternal life; that the Lord created animals for us to love. To take into our homes, join us as part of our families, and then see them go. Helping us understand in a small measure of the pain of loss, and to think and ponder about what it would be to lose a loved one. Hopefully teaching and preparing us to always be willing to do what the Lord asks of us, because really HE "IS" the one who knows EVERYTHING. And I am so glad he does Caleb, SO GLAD! Because of my insignificant knowledge and understand of this, I have no choice but to further put my trust on my Savior Jesus Christ.
Easter time is coming and because it hits so close to home it's just another one of those hard dates coming up. I am so grateful for my Savior coming down and fulfilling the Work of Our Father in Heaven, to help us all to be able to come back and live with him again. What if he didn't do all that for us? Say for a minute that there was no Savior? That Jesus's death and crucifixion were not part of the plan for us on this earth. That would make our lives that we live here on earth, all lived in vain, all the knowledge that we obtained, the skills, the talents acquired, all our family ties.... all for nothing, for we would not live again, so once we die that's it our bodies would remain in our earthy graves forever. But this I know, as you know too, that both Death and Resurrection "ARE" part of the plan, the plan to bring true happiness. And because Jesus did come and did die for us, we can be eternally blessed through his infinite atonement, for there is no life lived in vain who have HOPE in Christ.
I am so grateful to know that life is Short and Temporary. For the whole purpose of life is for us to acquire all the knowledge, skills, talents needed to because more like our Savior Jesus Christ, to live with our families and loved ones again. Thank goodness there is a purpose, that there is a way, that we are given this chance to prove ourselves worthy to come home. We are doing our best Caleb, we will NOT fail you, we will be an eternal family someday, hopefully sooner for all our sakes. Love you Our Buddy Boy! =)Love Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers: How Caleb liked to eat hot cereals for breakfast like: malt'o meal, and oatmeal. He liked the oatmeal packets the best, because they were used on our special family camping trips.
Liahona remembers: How Caleb loved the Primary song called, "I want to be a Missionary Now."
Mom (Tanya) remembers: How Caleb would move his finger up and down really fast over his lips. And would make a really high pitched sound for as long as he could hold his breath, making his face turn Red....(which his mother didn't like.)
Dad (Eric) remembers: How Caleb loved March Madness, and voting for which team would win.
There are many dates coming upon us this Spring of which will be very hard to get through. We are not looking forward to have them come without you "physically" here with us, to celebrate together. Montey will be 2 next month. Remember how grouchy he was for his 1st birthday? And how he didn't even want cake and ice cream because he just wanted a nap? Remember how you helped him blow out his candles with your sisters and dad? Montey is still not sleeping through the night. I often wonder at night if it would still wake you up, and cause you to loose sleep... though you never were bothered by it. You were such a happy loving brother that you would often bet me to help Montey at night if I didn't get in there fast enough. I often wonder if I would still have to pick you up at night and put you in the girl's room on the floor so you could get a descent night's rest every once in awhile. I know Montey misses his Brother, and sleeping buddy.
And the Girls,............ they still long for their fun energized silly brother to play with again. There isn't a day that has gone by without a memory being added to your memory journals. It's always, "Remember when Caleb did this"...., and "Remember how Caleb did that".....
And for your dad,............. I know he aches like crazy inside. Yesterday Liahona earned all her school stickers on her chart and it was her turn to go out with dad. They went bowling, something that you loved to do. She sat in the car with him, and I know that he must have reflected on the time that the two of you would go out golfing together. I know he misses you terribly!
And as for me, your mother,...........It literally kills me with internal pain inside. I may look fine on the outside but if you really sat down to talk to me, the wall would just break down with how much this just hurts to have your presence gone from us. I try so hard not to be bitter, angry, and jealous of others; I have had a lot of repenting to do from my lack of strength. If you would have asked me if I thought I would have gotten this trial, I would have told you... "Oh that happens to other people, not me." And yet here I am, in the worst nightmare that I never thought I would be given, nor ready. But who is ever READY for such a trial. I have come to realize that because many do not have this hard trial to face with loosing a personal loved one with learning about the gift of eternal life; that the Lord created animals for us to love. To take into our homes, join us as part of our families, and then see them go. Helping us understand in a small measure of the pain of loss, and to think and ponder about what it would be to lose a loved one. Hopefully teaching and preparing us to always be willing to do what the Lord asks of us, because really HE "IS" the one who knows EVERYTHING. And I am so glad he does Caleb, SO GLAD! Because of my insignificant knowledge and understand of this, I have no choice but to further put my trust on my Savior Jesus Christ.
Easter time is coming and because it hits so close to home it's just another one of those hard dates coming up. I am so grateful for my Savior coming down and fulfilling the Work of Our Father in Heaven, to help us all to be able to come back and live with him again. What if he didn't do all that for us? Say for a minute that there was no Savior? That Jesus's death and crucifixion were not part of the plan for us on this earth. That would make our lives that we live here on earth, all lived in vain, all the knowledge that we obtained, the skills, the talents acquired, all our family ties.... all for nothing, for we would not live again, so once we die that's it our bodies would remain in our earthy graves forever. But this I know, as you know too, that both Death and Resurrection "ARE" part of the plan, the plan to bring true happiness. And because Jesus did come and did die for us, we can be eternally blessed through his infinite atonement, for there is no life lived in vain who have HOPE in Christ.
I am so grateful to know that life is Short and Temporary. For the whole purpose of life is for us to acquire all the knowledge, skills, talents needed to because more like our Savior Jesus Christ, to live with our families and loved ones again. Thank goodness there is a purpose, that there is a way, that we are given this chance to prove ourselves worthy to come home. We are doing our best Caleb, we will NOT fail you, we will be an eternal family someday, hopefully sooner for all our sakes. Love you Our Buddy Boy! =)Love Your Mommy
Memories:
Tamara remembers: How Caleb liked to eat hot cereals for breakfast like: malt'o meal, and oatmeal. He liked the oatmeal packets the best, because they were used on our special family camping trips.
Liahona remembers: How Caleb loved the Primary song called, "I want to be a Missionary Now."
Mom (Tanya) remembers: How Caleb would move his finger up and down really fast over his lips. And would make a really high pitched sound for as long as he could hold his breath, making his face turn Red....(which his mother didn't like.)
Dad (Eric) remembers: How Caleb loved March Madness, and voting for which team would win.
Wednesday, February 24, 2010
For Our Caleb- 6th Month
Dear Caleb,
This video was made by your Daddy. It's a great piece of work in which honors you, our sweet Caleb, of whom we will always be grateful for your love and great example. From this video we can feel of your wonderful spirit, and all the great things you accomplished in your life. We are very so proud of you. You fought a good fight, and finished your life with flying colors. A parent cannot be anymore proud, then we are!! We love you Caleb! And we are ever so grateful that the time is coming near for us to be with you again, very soon.
Love Your Mommy and Daddy
Memories:
Tamara remembers: How Caleb liked to play 'Lord of the Rings' with Dad on his Game Cube.
Liahona remembers: Ridding and sitting in the back of the van, and Caleb was between her and Tamara. Once Tamara fell asleep and her head hung down in front of her, and Liahona asked Caleb to help push her head back up to one side of the head rest, and he did. Then her head hung back down over and over again, and Caleb would help the sleeping Tamara out again and again.
Mom remembers: That Caleb has the most beautiful ice blue color eyes she has ever seen.
Dad remembers: During the spring, how Caleb liked to have pinecone fights. And during the winter, how Caleb loved to have snowball fights. Competition was a big fun game for Caleb.
This video was made by your Daddy. It's a great piece of work in which honors you, our sweet Caleb, of whom we will always be grateful for your love and great example. From this video we can feel of your wonderful spirit, and all the great things you accomplished in your life. We are very so proud of you. You fought a good fight, and finished your life with flying colors. A parent cannot be anymore proud, then we are!! We love you Caleb! And we are ever so grateful that the time is coming near for us to be with you again, very soon.
Love Your Mommy and Daddy
Memories:
Tamara remembers: How Caleb liked to play 'Lord of the Rings' with Dad on his Game Cube.
Liahona remembers: Ridding and sitting in the back of the van, and Caleb was between her and Tamara. Once Tamara fell asleep and her head hung down in front of her, and Liahona asked Caleb to help push her head back up to one side of the head rest, and he did. Then her head hung back down over and over again, and Caleb would help the sleeping Tamara out again and again.
Mom remembers: That Caleb has the most beautiful ice blue color eyes she has ever seen.
Dad remembers: During the spring, how Caleb liked to have pinecone fights. And during the winter, how Caleb loved to have snowball fights. Competition was a big fun game for Caleb.
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