Our Miracle Month...

Dear Caleb,
I can't believe that we are only going on the third month since you graduated from this world, because it seems like so much longer then that. My body hurts and aches nonstop everyday, just reminding me in everyway that life will never be the same again.... and how could it? Without your physical presence here, it is so hard, and so very weird to not have you near to hug and squeeze, and kiss you goodnight. I miss doing our neat handshake that we made up each night, as I would tuck you into bed. I miss having your cars and toys laying around to trip over. I miss having you get Monety out of bed each morning and turning on PBS kids for the girls. The hurt and ache are so strong most days, that trying to move through life without you just brings me to tears. I have just wished and prayed to know that you are still near us, because we so desparately still need you, our Buddy Boy.
(Of which the Lord was mindful of my prayer, and answered it this month.) This is how he answered us:
This summer while being in Nauvoo after your Baptism, I placed our small red samsung camera in the diaper bag, because the memory was all full. Later, I remember taking it out as I digging for a toy for Montey to play with. And as we were unpacking once we got home I could not find that small read camera anywhere. I didn't worry too much about it at first. Thinking that we would run into it sometime with unpacking, but It never showed. Then the accident happened, and I realized that the ONLY pictures we had from your 8th birthday was on that camera. I felt So sick to my stomach. We had NO pictures of you turning 8. Pictures mean the world to me, and to loose your last birthday year, made my head swirl. I could not believe that I would not have those memories for the rest of my life. I called the visitors centers, all the hotels, for months and still no one had seen the small red camera. It had been 4 long months,and the chances of finding that camera was very slim on my own. I didn't know where to find it, but I knew the Lord did. And to find this camera would mean the world to me, just to have those non-replacable memories back would bring me so much comfort.
It was a Sunday night when we watched the movie "The Prince of Egpyt." And there was a song that said "There can be miracles, when you believe..." And that night I prayed ever so hard, that somehow, that someway, the Lord would help bring this camera back to me.
The next Morning I thought to check the bags and backpacks that we took, that we had already check many, many times. They were always empty because we have already unpacked everything months ago. As I went to zip open the back pack carrier, out flew our small read samsung camera. Both Eric and I have looked through that back pack and it was not there before. It was a PURE MIRACLE, that's all there is to it.
Caleb I know that you were always very mindful of us. You never liked to see anyone hurting. So I would like to think that it must have been you that picked up our camera, and placed it in a spot that you knew we would find it. And we can not thankyou enough for bring this miracle into our lives, to let us know that you ARE there and that you are STILL with us.
I DO believe in miracles, and know that they can and will happen when we believe, even if something has been lost for 4months. The Lord is so mindful of what we need to help us heal, and feel his love. I will ever be so grateful for this miracle in our family's life.
We Love you Caleb, Love your Mommy

Caleb's Corner

We went to Caleb's Corner (the crash site), this Monday for family night. Something that I have been feeling the need to go and do, but didn't have strength to do it until now. It was named by our best friends, which are our Nebraska cousins, The Draper Family. Our 4 kids have done everything with them and their 4 kids since we moved here. It's not every often when you find a family where there is one friend for each of your children. We have been greatly blessed.
Going to Caleb's Corner was very awkward needless to say. As we got closer you could feel everyone's anxiety, as silence filled our car, not even a peep from Montey. There is just over 1/4 of a mile that I do not remember driving from the accident. There was one part before that when I was driving with Caleb where I had deja vu. I had seen a person's tall ranch sign before, like I had been to that place before, which I had not. I had slight hopes this past Monday, that perhaps I would remember that rest of that road, but that was not to be. Eric says that it was part of my body's defence mechanism. It still drives me crazy not knowing what really happened. Perhaps someday it will come back to me.

Here is the cross and flowers that we got in honor of Caleb. We noticed that 2 bunches of yellow flowers were already there when we arrived, which really touched and warmed our hearts. There is no place like Nebraska, the people here are amazingly kind and thoughtful.


Here is us at Caleb's Corner.


This was actually a mistake picture that was taken, but I love it. It has the feeling of all three of our spirits together, Caleb's cross, and the shadow of Eric and I. Not to mention the three trees in the background.


Thanks for all your continued love and support. We appreciate all your prayers, we can feel them carrying us each day. As we know that this strength is not our own, but is from the Lord above. We could NOT continue living each day if it were not for his loving grace. This is so hard to carry from day to day, but we know that he is making it a little easier and a little lighter for us. In which we are ever so grateful. So THANK YOU for the very much NEEDED prayers, Love The Mathison's

Second Month, Still Tremendously Hard.....

Oh Sweet Caleb,
How do we do this without you? To not see your sweet face each morning, hear your kind voice, laugh with you as you giggle hysterically. So many things we have taken for granted thinking, "Oh we will do that tomorrow, tomorrow we will get to that, tomorrow we will go to that place you want to go." Nothing shakes you more then coming to the understanding that all we really do have is today! Why did we just assume that tomorrow would come? Our hearts hurt so much, this pain is so hard to bear. Honestly how can one move on from such a hard blow, with having you here with us, then with just a blink of an eye you are not. Here we are on the second month from the terrible accident, and yet it feels SO much longer then that. Making us sick to our stomachs to think how SLOW time on earth goes. We pray each day that the millennium will come quickly, to ease our heartache and so many others grief and pain as well. Each day I wake up and say "Are you kidding me I have to do another day...." I know the millennium maybe longer than we want but, I know the Lord will answer the righteous desires of one's heart. So we will pray on, hope on, and move on as best as we can. Knowing that we move on not to forget, but we move on to keep you alive with us, your memories, your life, your spirit. Why do parents have to loose their little children, we may never really know, but we know that the Lord does. And why did he give this hard challenge to us, we may never know, but we know that the Lord does. And for this we will trust in him, because he does know the bigger picture, Thank goodness. All I can say is that, I know that I will have all sorts of questions for him to answer when I see him. And for you sweet Caleb I still think you cut in line and for that I still think you should get a spanking when I get home. However, Liahona is good to remind me that it wasn't your fault that you left, but that the Lord needed you, so I should not spank you. =) You two, my Irish Twins were always looking out of each other, and I have a feeling you still will.
We love you so much and miss you so much, that it hurts to breathe. Please stay close to us, we still need you.
Love Your Mommy

Memories:

Tamara remembers that Caleb would always ask, "Who wants to play soccer with me?"

Liahona remembers that Caleb would always say, "When are we going to the library?" (Because he would want to check out a new computer game or recheck out one of his favorite library computer games.)

Mom (Tanya) remembers how much Caleb loved the Nebraska bugs. He was always trying to capture and catch them. He would often catch bugs to make a bug zoo this summer. He and his best friend Dylan would make fliers and hang them up on lightposts to get people to come. Charging only 5cent per person, but mom paid them 25cent per person instead.

Dad (Eric) remembers how much Caleb loved to play Army Man Blackcat Attack game for the Fourth of July. He would often try to talk his dad into playing it throughout the year.

Caleb's Room

Pictures of Caleb's walls, they way he created them. His most loved things: His Savior Jesus Christ, the Prophet Thomas S. Monson, his Starwars posters, and his Transformers stickers. Plus a picture of his library books. He begged and begged to go to the library, and when I finally got around to it he was disappointed that they didn't have his favorite computer game, "Zoo Tycoon." We now have that game, in Honor our Sweet Caleb.