On The 23rd of Aug of 2001 you were 2months old. WE lived in Cheney Washington. Your father was attending Eastern Washington University, doing his prerequisites in Nursing. We lived in the Anna Maria Apartments on the second floor and we were waiving goodbye to Dad one morning from the balcony on a cold fall day. And the unthinkable happened, the sliding door locked on us. I was so scared and didn't know what to do, it was early in the morning and no one was outside, being so cold. I started to yell and cry out for help, which seemed like forever, actually was only 15mins before someone came by. Thankfully the front door was unlocked from Dad going to school that they were able to let themselves in and rescue us freezing people. I was so embarrassed and yet so overjoyed by the help that I was just so pleased that the Lord sent us someone to help us get back inside that my embarrassment quickly went away. I remember Thanking this guy over and over again.
What you were like at this age:
*You Caleb were very colic at this age.
*You only wanted to be held, or carried in your snugglie. And if we couldn't do that you had to be in your swing. Staying in motion and movement was something that would only make you happy and content. We had no crib for you so you slept on a gym mat with a sheet over it right next to our bed, which was also your baby changing table too. (What can we say, we were super poor college students. But it worked because the apartment was very small too. With it only being a 1 bedroom apartment made it awfully squishy but it worked for us.)
*You loved dancing with mom and dad to classical music. A special baby cd that we got from the hospital that you were born at.
*Realized that were prego with your Irish Twin, Liahona and couldn't produce enough enough for three, so my body stopped producing milk for you. It took us about a week and a half for us to realize that you were extra crabby because you were hungry...=( Daddy and I have always joked about that was the cause of you always being a little smaller. =)
Monday, August 30, 2010
Friday, August 27, 2010
A Trophy For You
Hi Caleb,
Here is your Trophy that you have earned. We thought about what we needed to do, to remind us of all your hard work that you are doing on the other side of the veil. And we decided to award you with this trophy, which will be displayed in your bedroom. It says, "Caleb Luccas Mathison Team Angels 2010. And your siblings have a dog tag necklace with the same image and same inscription "Team Angels." It will be that constant reminder for us, thought we are on different sides of the veil, we are still part of the same team. Together we are "Team Angels." We are so proud of you Caleb! We hope to make you proud of us, to show you how much we love you, and how much we are willing to fight to earn the great reward to be an eternal family soon.- Love Your Mom
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Year 1 (Mom)
Dear Caleb,
I am sitting here this night of the 24th, being unable to sleep. My head is swirling with events from last Aug 24th that we spent with you. My body is heavy again as lead. Most likely I will have a hard time getting out of bed tomorrow morning. We tackled our first Make A Difference Day as a family. Then ended our day with watching a few of our family videos with songs, followed by a family prayer. The weight of this temporary separation is very heavy on all our hearts, we were all in tears as we watched our memories with you from the past; even Montey noticed everyone was crying and started to mope and pretend to cry. Your presence is missed ever so greatly. In recent days I have been thinking that I just can't do yet another day, especially once the month of Aug came; I have not been able to shut off my emotions. They have been running non-stop. My eyes hurt from crying, my heart hurts from aching, and my body is suffering as a whole in trying to keep it together and stay afloat. Yesterday I did the impossible, I thought, and wrote down everything that my brain was able to retain from our family outing to the accident on the 24th to the 25th of last year. It was incredibly hard to allow my mind and body to relive those events. And even a year later, those motions are still so very strong. After two long hours and 4 1/2 pages long I completed it. I vowed that I was never going to write those memories down because why in the world would I want to remember those un-fun moments? The strength that the Lord rendered to me was amazing; there was no way that I could have bore that pain again without the Lords help. Then helping me to type while I managed to down pour on the computer with my eyes, it was simply a miracle all in itself. But it is done, it has been written, and completed. And the funniest thing of all, I feel like it is okay for me to talk about the accident. That I don't have to stay all silent like it never happened, hoping that magically it would all go away....because the thing is, is that it did happen. I think that I have finally gotten a grip on reality, an un-fun one, but thankfully just temporary. I have realized that I have been afraid to be happy, or show in any way that I could have fun without you here with us, because I didn't want to think that I could do that without you. I did not want you to feel hurt or sad thinking that we had forgotten about you because we would happy or smiling or laughing. You complete our family, and I know that you will never be forgotten with us, that you will always have your place in being the oldest sibling, the big, protective brother. I was reading with your father in the Book of Mormon, in Mormon 9:14 it says," And then cometh the judgment of the Holy one upon them; and then cometh the time that he that is filthy shall be filthy still; and he that is righteous shall be righteous still; and he that is happy shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still." I then realized that if I wanted to be happy when we are reunited at the great millennial day then, I must be happy now. If I do not allow myself to find even a little piece of that happiness now and hold on to it, I may not even be happy then. But my goal is to be happy then, so I know now what I must do now. While I live here upon this earth, I know that I must live worthily to be able to receive that added light and happiness and pure joy hereafter. I can not allow the un-pleasant "what if's" pull me and my mind away from trying to find that piece of happiness now. Elder Steven E Snow gave a talk in conference about Getting on with our lives. He said, " Most of us do not seek our welcome dramatic change. But change is an essential part of life's experiences." Then he posts a question that states, "What about the changes which thrust upon us unexpectedly, of changes that we have no control over? How do we deal with such unexpected setbacks in life's journey?" He gave a very profound answer that I have been holding on too ever so tightly. He said, " First, You need to follow the prophets. Second, You need to keep an eternal perspective. Third, Have Faith. And Fourth, Be of Good Cheer." Caleb, I have done these all but the fourth one, I know what I need to work on, to help us to enjoy the true peace and happiness later that will soon come. Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson has said, "Even when you have felt the truth of the atonement and the kindness of the Lord to deliver you in your trials, it may still test your courage and strength to endure." It is a hard road that we are on, but we will not fail you Caleb. Our love for you is great! Love Your Mommy
I am sitting here this night of the 24th, being unable to sleep. My head is swirling with events from last Aug 24th that we spent with you. My body is heavy again as lead. Most likely I will have a hard time getting out of bed tomorrow morning. We tackled our first Make A Difference Day as a family. Then ended our day with watching a few of our family videos with songs, followed by a family prayer. The weight of this temporary separation is very heavy on all our hearts, we were all in tears as we watched our memories with you from the past; even Montey noticed everyone was crying and started to mope and pretend to cry. Your presence is missed ever so greatly. In recent days I have been thinking that I just can't do yet another day, especially once the month of Aug came; I have not been able to shut off my emotions. They have been running non-stop. My eyes hurt from crying, my heart hurts from aching, and my body is suffering as a whole in trying to keep it together and stay afloat. Yesterday I did the impossible, I thought, and wrote down everything that my brain was able to retain from our family outing to the accident on the 24th to the 25th of last year. It was incredibly hard to allow my mind and body to relive those events. And even a year later, those motions are still so very strong. After two long hours and 4 1/2 pages long I completed it. I vowed that I was never going to write those memories down because why in the world would I want to remember those un-fun moments? The strength that the Lord rendered to me was amazing; there was no way that I could have bore that pain again without the Lords help. Then helping me to type while I managed to down pour on the computer with my eyes, it was simply a miracle all in itself. But it is done, it has been written, and completed. And the funniest thing of all, I feel like it is okay for me to talk about the accident. That I don't have to stay all silent like it never happened, hoping that magically it would all go away....because the thing is, is that it did happen. I think that I have finally gotten a grip on reality, an un-fun one, but thankfully just temporary. I have realized that I have been afraid to be happy, or show in any way that I could have fun without you here with us, because I didn't want to think that I could do that without you. I did not want you to feel hurt or sad thinking that we had forgotten about you because we would happy or smiling or laughing. You complete our family, and I know that you will never be forgotten with us, that you will always have your place in being the oldest sibling, the big, protective brother. I was reading with your father in the Book of Mormon, in Mormon 9:14 it says," And then cometh the judgment of the Holy one upon them; and then cometh the time that he that is filthy shall be filthy still; and he that is righteous shall be righteous still; and he that is happy shall be happy still; and he that is unhappy shall be unhappy still." I then realized that if I wanted to be happy when we are reunited at the great millennial day then, I must be happy now. If I do not allow myself to find even a little piece of that happiness now and hold on to it, I may not even be happy then. But my goal is to be happy then, so I know now what I must do now. While I live here upon this earth, I know that I must live worthily to be able to receive that added light and happiness and pure joy hereafter. I can not allow the un-pleasant "what if's" pull me and my mind away from trying to find that piece of happiness now. Elder Steven E Snow gave a talk in conference about Getting on with our lives. He said, " Most of us do not seek our welcome dramatic change. But change is an essential part of life's experiences." Then he posts a question that states, "What about the changes which thrust upon us unexpectedly, of changes that we have no control over? How do we deal with such unexpected setbacks in life's journey?" He gave a very profound answer that I have been holding on too ever so tightly. He said, " First, You need to follow the prophets. Second, You need to keep an eternal perspective. Third, Have Faith. And Fourth, Be of Good Cheer." Caleb, I have done these all but the fourth one, I know what I need to work on, to help us to enjoy the true peace and happiness later that will soon come. Our Prophet Thomas S. Monson has said, "Even when you have felt the truth of the atonement and the kindness of the Lord to deliver you in your trials, it may still test your courage and strength to endure." It is a hard road that we are on, but we will not fail you Caleb. Our love for you is great! Love Your Mommy
Year 1 (Dad)
Dear Caleb,
This last year without you has been very difficult. It has been difficult because there are so many things about you that I miss. I miss those early 5:30am mornings when you would surprise me by waking early as I was getting ready to leave for work or school. I miss how the two of us would eat breakfast together on those early mornings while you would tell me all the exciting things you planned on doing that day. I miss the games of baseball and soccer in the backyard. I miss seeing your excitement and smile when I would arrive home each day. That amazing smile of yours could quickly erase the stresses and worries of any day. Caleb it is amazing how one person can influence the life of another in so many ways. This year has been difficult because there are so many questions that do not have answers. Many of the “why?” And “what if?” questions have surfaced time and time again bringing with them feelings of doubt and despair. Elder Russell M. Nelson once said “my advice to each of us is not to torture ourselves with ‘what if’ questions. They bring neither clarity nor comfort.” I know this statement is true but it is a very difficult thing to do. We are faced with these questions each and every day. I do not know why your life on this earth was so short. I do not know why your life had to end the way that it did. I do not know how long it will be until I can see your amazing smile once more, or until I can play games of catch or soccer with you once again. Or until I can tell you once again how much I love you. But this I do know, I will see you again. You are my son and your early departure and death cannot destroy that. We are an eternal family and so I will look forward to that glorious day when we will be reunited and once again be a complete family. Until that day comes I will do all I can to live in a way to be found worthy to arrive in the place where you are.
Caleb, this last year has changed my perspective and priorities. So many things that I thought were important just don’t seem to matter so much any more. I am amazed at how many lives you have touched in your short eight years on this earth. I am also amazed at how many people have touched our lives during this last year. We have received so much goodness and kindness from other people. There are truly some amazing people in this world. You have taught me how important it is to tell others how much you care for them because the opportunity may never arise again. Thank you Caleb for teaching me these things. Thank you for being such an obedient son. Thank you for the fun times we shared. I truly enjoyed our time together and anxiously wait for that time to come again. I love you.
Love, Your Dad.
Memories:
Tamara remembers how much Caleb loved gum; all gum, any gum.
Liahona remembers how Caleb liked to try new weird things; like dipping his carrots into ketchup.
Mom remembers how Caleb started the pop mix drink of half root beer and half sprite to drink at on our pizza dinner Friday night family parties.
Dad remembers how much Caleb had always loved the wind, even as a baby. He would stick out his arms and wave them around as though he was flying.
This last year without you has been very difficult. It has been difficult because there are so many things about you that I miss. I miss those early 5:30am mornings when you would surprise me by waking early as I was getting ready to leave for work or school. I miss how the two of us would eat breakfast together on those early mornings while you would tell me all the exciting things you planned on doing that day. I miss the games of baseball and soccer in the backyard. I miss seeing your excitement and smile when I would arrive home each day. That amazing smile of yours could quickly erase the stresses and worries of any day. Caleb it is amazing how one person can influence the life of another in so many ways. This year has been difficult because there are so many questions that do not have answers. Many of the “why?” And “what if?” questions have surfaced time and time again bringing with them feelings of doubt and despair. Elder Russell M. Nelson once said “my advice to each of us is not to torture ourselves with ‘what if’ questions. They bring neither clarity nor comfort.” I know this statement is true but it is a very difficult thing to do. We are faced with these questions each and every day. I do not know why your life on this earth was so short. I do not know why your life had to end the way that it did. I do not know how long it will be until I can see your amazing smile once more, or until I can play games of catch or soccer with you once again. Or until I can tell you once again how much I love you. But this I do know, I will see you again. You are my son and your early departure and death cannot destroy that. We are an eternal family and so I will look forward to that glorious day when we will be reunited and once again be a complete family. Until that day comes I will do all I can to live in a way to be found worthy to arrive in the place where you are.
Caleb, this last year has changed my perspective and priorities. So many things that I thought were important just don’t seem to matter so much any more. I am amazed at how many lives you have touched in your short eight years on this earth. I am also amazed at how many people have touched our lives during this last year. We have received so much goodness and kindness from other people. There are truly some amazing people in this world. You have taught me how important it is to tell others how much you care for them because the opportunity may never arise again. Thank you Caleb for teaching me these things. Thank you for being such an obedient son. Thank you for the fun times we shared. I truly enjoyed our time together and anxiously wait for that time to come again. I love you.
Love, Your Dad.
Memories:
Tamara remembers how much Caleb loved gum; all gum, any gum.
Liahona remembers how Caleb liked to try new weird things; like dipping his carrots into ketchup.
Mom remembers how Caleb started the pop mix drink of half root beer and half sprite to drink at on our pizza dinner Friday night family parties.
Dad remembers how much Caleb had always loved the wind, even as a baby. He would stick out his arms and wave them around as though he was flying.
Wednesday, August 18, 2010
Make A Difference Day
To All Our Family And Friends,
We are requesting your help in our 1st Annual Make a Difference Day on Aug 24-25. Our Goal to is to get as many people as we can to help make this Tragic, unfun day; into a purpose and reason to be happy. By making a difference with us, as we make memories with Caleb on his Angel Date. With him serving and working hard on the other side of the veil, this is our chance to help in his great efforts to build and strengthen Zion here. We would love for you to share your accomplishments on how you were able to "Make a Difference," on here on Caleb's blog. Please email us your address and we will like to send you a little something from our family for Caleb to say, "Thank You." Or you can leave it with your post. In case you are thinking I would love to do something but I don't know what to do? Here are some ideas for you, to help do something to make this world a better place:
Give someone the benefit of the doubt,
Smile when you get cut off in traffic instead of cursing,
Let someone go in front of you in the line,
Pay for someones meal behind you in line,
Hold the door open for someone,
Send off special letters or packages anonymously to someone who needs a special cheer,
Visit a nursing home and sing them some songs,
Donate money or time to a special charity cause,
Sign up for a charity marathon or just go to help out,
Make a personal goal to work on something to be a better person,
Call up an old friend to see how they are doing,
Write that letter to that long lost friend or family member that you have been meaning to do for sometime now,
Call a children's hospital and see how you can help as a volunteer,
Slow down your pace in life and try to recognize those who you can help..... and reach out and help us "Make A Difference."
What we hope to accomplish as a family: To buy many BIG bags of lollipops and attach a piece of paper to each that say, "The Mathison Family and Friends Annual Make A Difference Day 2010." And knock on all of our neighbors doors to share love and kindness to others. Starting out with something simple but just as profound, since the kids are still little. Wanting to help them know that they too can help and serve and make a difference with Caleb too. And as they get older we hope to make it more elaborate and give more of our time.
Thank you for taking on this challenge with our family, it will give us much strength to bear such a difficult day knowing that we have many friends and family standing with us to help us Make A Difference with Caleb.
Much Love to you all, The Mathison Family
We are requesting your help in our 1st Annual Make a Difference Day on Aug 24-25. Our Goal to is to get as many people as we can to help make this Tragic, unfun day; into a purpose and reason to be happy. By making a difference with us, as we make memories with Caleb on his Angel Date. With him serving and working hard on the other side of the veil, this is our chance to help in his great efforts to build and strengthen Zion here. We would love for you to share your accomplishments on how you were able to "Make a Difference," on here on Caleb's blog. Please email us your address and we will like to send you a little something from our family for Caleb to say, "Thank You." Or you can leave it with your post. In case you are thinking I would love to do something but I don't know what to do? Here are some ideas for you, to help do something to make this world a better place:
Give someone the benefit of the doubt,
Smile when you get cut off in traffic instead of cursing,
Let someone go in front of you in the line,
Pay for someones meal behind you in line,
Hold the door open for someone,
Send off special letters or packages anonymously to someone who needs a special cheer,
Visit a nursing home and sing them some songs,
Donate money or time to a special charity cause,
Sign up for a charity marathon or just go to help out,
Make a personal goal to work on something to be a better person,
Call up an old friend to see how they are doing,
Write that letter to that long lost friend or family member that you have been meaning to do for sometime now,
Call a children's hospital and see how you can help as a volunteer,
Slow down your pace in life and try to recognize those who you can help..... and reach out and help us "Make A Difference."
What we hope to accomplish as a family: To buy many BIG bags of lollipops and attach a piece of paper to each that say, "The Mathison Family and Friends Annual Make A Difference Day 2010." And knock on all of our neighbors doors to share love and kindness to others. Starting out with something simple but just as profound, since the kids are still little. Wanting to help them know that they too can help and serve and make a difference with Caleb too. And as they get older we hope to make it more elaborate and give more of our time.
Thank you for taking on this challenge with our family, it will give us much strength to bear such a difficult day knowing that we have many friends and family standing with us to help us Make A Difference with Caleb.
Much Love to you all, The Mathison Family
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